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| - This is the scariest haunted house in the country? Who bribed the reviewers? If this is the best this nation can muster, I weep for Halloween.
The Nest has a truly paranormal ability to disappoint. Someone has obviously put a lot of cash and effort into promotion, but regrettably, the only truly frightening element is the cost of a ticket. I'm chalking it up to poor management.
I'm going to dissect why you should keep your cash in your pocket, but I'm leaving out the spoilers (though frankly, I doubt it would detract much from the experience).
Let me start with some positives. The settings are decent, as are the costumes. The Nest clearly has some talented folks working in the background. In particular, several sections make use of props and optical illusions in a manner that would be downright thrilling under other circumstances.
Additionally, the actors are fabulous. They obviously take pride in attempting to induce mental anguish in their patrons. Granted we caught them early in the night, but they were mighty enthusiastic set of freaks.
Their employer, however, does not live up to their standards.
First, the venue is a large agricultural warehouse. This means that the entire haunted "house" is a series of plywood-partitioned cubicles, most with open ceilings. Ambient noise constantly leaked from adjoining rooms, giving away any kind of surprise the next room might hold. Frankly, it reminded me of the haunted houses my junior high organized in the gym every year--far from enough to suspend my disbelief.
Second, the crowds literally overwhelmed the place, and management clearly values quantity over quality. Patrons were churned through on each others' tail, seldom giving the actors a moment to resume their positions. How shocked can you be when the same zombie has already jumped out at two different groups only a few feet ahead of you? How disturbing is a butchered corpse when a cluster of text-messaging teenagers are blocking your path? The fright only diminishes further when you spend most of the experience shoved firmly against a portly stranger's backside.
And, despite the pace of admissions, there was still a line. Three, to be precise: one at the entry, and two more in the middle. I'd say bring a snack for the wait...but you can't.
Of course, you could always choke up another ten bucks for the VIP pass, but even the VIPers faced solid (albeit shorter) lines. You can waste your time, or you can waste your money--your choice.
Third, like the majority of Phoenix events, the actual product is a pathetic shadow of its promotion. The website advertises an intricate legend of a local murderer that is apparently totally unrelated to all but the last handful of rooms, and even then, the connection is tenuous. And, of course, the aggressive local advertising campaign keeps the herds flooding in.
And finally...that price tag. Yeesh. Sure, I might pay to go here. Seven or eight bucks, tops. Ten if you catch me on a payday.
But between the outrageous cost and the lingering feeling that I've been scammed, I won't be going next year. Let me know if it ever improves.
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