| rev:text
| - So sad. This was our second stay in the Excalibur, both stays due to the competitive price the Excalibur offered compared to its Strip counterparts. We kept trying to defend the place after a pleasant first stay, as people were quick to rag on the place. Now I understand why.
My list of why the Excalibur is a waste and disgrace:
1.) Just as King Arthur and his round table are a legend, so is the hotel's customer service. Here's our antidote: we were looking for the ever-so-extravagant wine bottle opener. Something that comes standard in most strip hotels. When we asked they front desk, they abruptly replied, "I don't know. Go as the concierge." When we trekked over to the concierge, they replied, "Why should we have one?" and proceeded to sell us tickets to a show (logical, of course. They managed to pull this one on every visit we made to their desk). Finally, I had to tip a bartender at the casino floor's bar to open the wine bottle for me.
Another time I asked the front desk where I could print off my airline ticket. They told me that the concierge desk would gladly do it for me, though the concierge insisted that they are not allowed but that the computers next to them (how convenient!) could cater to my need. The cost? $1/minute, with a $10 minimum. I'd rather sit at the end of the B section on my Southwest flight!
2.) The pool is for mass quantities, not mass quality. Everyday evening they have a "pool party," which is nothing more than a cover band, drunks, and screaming kids. Quite the combination. No shaded areas, either.
3.) The air conditioner in our room was LOUD and our bed uncomfortable, making for a restless night. The renovated rooms are ten times nicer than the rest of the hotel (scary to think what the rest of the rooms look like). The result? Stay in the room or run out of the hotel as fast as you can.
4.) The running out as fast as you can part is not always easy, since there are stinkin' Tahiti Village solicitors at every turn. The worst part is that they pose as hotel staff, approaching you while in the check-in line and asking you when you are checking out, etc, and then without your permission beginning to plan your stupid timeshare visit. Even when you tell them, "No, thank you," they don't give up, leaving you to leave in haste angrily.
5.) And speaking of rooms, don't expect normal hotel amenities, even in the upgraded rooms (a typical Vegas nickel-and-time tactic) - no microwave, refrigerator, even coffee maker. Why would you need your own coffee maker when there is a 24-7 Starbucks on the first floor where you can get a cup of coffee for $6?
6.) Since there are no such amenities, we tried to order some dinner via room service. We called the number three times - and with no success - called a 4th time and left the phone off the hook and on speaker for 45 minutes. "Your call is important to us," the machine lady on the other line ensured us. We finally hung up and fruitlessly searched around the hotel...
7.) The restaurants at the Excalibur are easy to pass up. In fact, treat yourself to a nice dinner somewhere else. Though the $16.99 medieval dinner buffet may look appealing, it's greasy and cheap food isn't worthy for a king such as yourself.
8.) Seeing all the kids run around Dick's Last Resort and poker table-top dancers (both located between the main entrance and guest elevators, thus inevitable) was like watching a 7-year old's Spring Break at Disneyland. This place knows it attracts families with children - as evident by its Sponge Bob show and afternoon puppet show - yet keeps the liquor, thongs, and dirty music flowing like Rapunzal's hair down her high tower. Or something strange like that. I don't know what is more distracting - watching a woman dance on the poker table next to your elevator, the owner of Dick's Last Resort flap around in a thong, or the look on all the 7-year-old's faces as their parents trek them around the casino floor. The wallpaper of advertisements for Thunder from Down Under are a classy touch, too.
In short, even though the Excalibur prices are nicer than it's Strip counterparts, I would rather spend less time in Vegas and at another hotel, even off the strip, than a whole free stay in the Excalibur.
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