What up fellow researches in the realms of Yelp. Am I one to write bad reviews just out of spite? Would some even go as far as to say I'm a yelping troll?
Absolutely not
So why the one star you might be asking?
Oh let me tell you Cheryl
After hours of walking around the crowded smoke filled streets of Satan's playground, my hungover overly dehydrated grumpy ass is tired and I'm ready to sleep. Is this the Oasis's fault?
ABSOLUTELY NOT...
The real issue I'll save for last. After an incredibly long wait in the lobby we finally have the fine opportunity of communicating with the receptionist, he tells us to download hotel tonight to get a discount.
"Ok cool" I think to myself. "He's hooking it up"
Or was he really?
We book the room and of course there's a zero refund policy. Whatever. I'm tired as shit and I'm ready to hit up club sleep. After waiting another 20 minutes to get our room key, we're bamboozled with another $70 something hidden fee
For what you may ask?
The pool. Ok... fair enough
The parking. My ass ubered here
And finally.. the internet which STRANGLY.. says as you're logging onto the WiFi that it's FREE WiFi
Ok ok. Enough bitching Aaron. Is this really worth a 1 star?
Well I said I was saving the truth for last. The real reason. As we step into the room a incredibly thick, moist wall of urine stained air billows into our nostrils.
To my disgust I run to the air conditioner cranking it on full blast hoping I can distract my sense of smell by freezing my small uncircumcised Canadian dick off but to my surprise.. the air blowing through the vent is where I believe the smell was deriving
In conclusion, I feel completely and utterly violated as if I was strapped down by one of my many psychotic X's as they poured Luke warm cups of Siamese cat urine that had been sitting inside of a hot closet festering new forms of bacteria all over my face..
1 star oasis. You mother fuckers