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| - For the non-Francophiles out there, "Les Plaisirs Coupables" literally translates to "Guilty Pleasures". If your menu is stacked with guilty pleasures, you better step up. Popular chef Jean-Francois Plante's new restaurant on Peel in Montreal promises just that but fails miserably. Sure the restaurant is pretty and so is the staff and the service is very friendly and competent however serving up guilty pleasures takes more effort than one can imagine. Sadly the food was bland, unexciting and devoid of soul; you can't have a guilty pleasure without soul. Like music, if you ain't got the beat, if you ain't got the rhythm it's all for loss.
I'll attempt to offer solutions instead of just hammering the failure into the ground, because obviously the Chef de Cuisine is too bent on upscaling pub grub for presentation rather than injecting flavour into it. Form over function, where function is left behind.
Let's start with the fries. No really, the fries. The simplest of guilty pleasures and yet the restaurant dared to serve me frozen fries. If those were fresh hand cut fries, they were the worst I ever had. If you can't make decent fries, you don't deserve a choice spot downtown. Staying in the guilty pleasure mindset, this is nothing short of blasphemy. You buy a slicer pop in a big russet pull the lever and BOOM you have a portion ready to go. But for optimal French fries you can blanche them in oil and let them rest over night. Then there's oils you can use. You can use Canola but upgrade it with a lot of vanilla, or you can use peanut oil (YUM) and if you really want to go crazy and add an insane flavour profile, use duck fat as your frying oil; it's more expensive but as guilty pleasures go, it's awesome.
The chicken wing starter was foul. (See my pun there?) Apart from the spicy maple dip, the wings looked like they were taken out of an Olymel box from the frozen section and very, very small. You could use the fresh, huge, meaty capon wings. 3 wings with the dipping sauce will be sufficient and sublimely tasting. And you buy the whole capon chicken and make stock, use the rest of the meat for an awesome Club made with handmade bread and a homemade mayo. This was missing from your menu.
For the main I had the ribs. This was a monumental & epic failure. The only thing it had going for it was the tenderness of the meat but then it was too tender because I like to rip meat off the bone, it's a caveman thing. For optimal ribs you need 2 things. A smoker and some rub. Plaisirs Coupables ribs have none. If you don't have a smoker (and please there are indoor smokers available) you can at least brine your ribs to infuse them with flavour. What I got was boiled down ribs slathered with some unimpressive sauce (True Rib eaters, eat their ribs DRY, with sauce as an optional side) because the rub will have caramelised the pork, and if I'm not mistaken my ribs were reheated on a flat top and not a grill. This was served with those blasphemous fries mentioned above and cole slaw.
Let's talk Cole slaw for a second. I was served marinated Cole slaw, more precisely it was probably prepared many days before being served, prepared so long ago that it was basically boiled by the vinegar... hell no motherfucker. A good slaw is crunchy and should be dressed shortly before serving and there are myriad possible dressings for slaw but if you really want to kick it in the balls, if you really want to nail it, you add... wait for it... celery seeds. Yeah I know, but trust me; it elevates any slaw to a new level of delicious goodness. I even use it when I make salad dressing, it's that freaking good.
Just to harp on the smoker part a little more. If you had a smoker to produce edible ribs, you could also slap in a rubbed 10 or 15 pound pork butt and make delicious pulled pork sandwiches which would be a great addition to your menu and pulled pork makes any poutine awesome to the power of awesome. Also you could also smoke fish and smoked fish done right is one serious guilty pleasure
I didn't bother with desert because I couldn't handle further disappointment. I did pick at my friends Foie Gras Poutine because the gravy and cheese were pretty damn tasty, yet those fries, those horrible fries.... FUCK! I'm angry, really angry. Montreal is losing its touch as a foodie town as to many pretentious hipster-magnet restaurants are opening pretending to server up awesome food but it's just pretty. It's like dating a hot girl. Sure she's HOT and possibly a good lay but if she's brain dead what's the point? Looks good but there's no substance to it.
If you're gonna eat empty calories, let it not be empty of flavour. If you expected anything more than a single star, keep hoping.If you want upscale pub grub, head over to Dominion Pub, its more expensive but the corn fritters alone will sell you.
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