| rev:text
| - So the other day, my buddy needs ammo for our upcoming visit to the redneck shooting range. He suggests we go to Bass Pro Shop, since it's where he buys his shooting range hardware and funware. Since I've never set foot in one of these places, I'm totally down to check it out, so away we go.
The main store is like Disneyland/IKEA for the outdoor enthusiast, whether you like fishing, hunting, hiking, camping or just blowing shit up. Such places are not my scene, as it's just too much sensory overload all around me. I get my ammo online which is wayyyyy cheaper and conveniently delivered to my door.
He also recommends the adjacent restaurant, which apparently serves up alligator, something that neither of us has ever tried. I'm seriously down for trying some out, so once laden with lead and gunpowder, we mosey on over for a bite.
We walk in. Hostess immediately greets us and seats us in this cavernous, Disneyesque looking dining venue, decorated with too many poorly spent corporate dollars, with a view of an enormous aquarium, reminiscent of typical Las Vegas tack.
We are greeted by Bubba (not his name, I don't think), who would appear to me, to be more comfortable wearing camouflage, hiding out in the woods, with his high powered rifle, chewing tobacco and waiting for an unsuspecting coyote, wolf, deer, elk, or some other innocent critter with the anticipation of blowing the shit out of it for sport. His table side efforts are marginal, at best.
We order the following:
1. Alligator appetizer.
2. Pan fried trout.
3. Fish n chips.
The alligator arrives, drizzled in a pistachio colored sweet cream cheese kind of sauce, which would be better served on a stale cupcake, or as a face mask on an ugly pig. How it made its way onto this plate, and all over the alligator nuggets is truly baffling. Oh, and speaking of the alligator nuggets, they reminded me of the McDonald's chicken McNuggets that I consumed from time to time as a child. It was a totally disappointing experience, especially with that nasty fucking Miami Vice colored pastel green sauce drizzled all over the plate, as if Jackson Pollock had a seizure in the kitchen while opening a can of Martha Stewart vomit colored spring time Caribbean seafoam premium paint. I'd love to see the look on Gordon Ramsay's face if he ever tasted one of them. Whoever thought that this was a good idea, clearly don't know much 'bout quality vittles. Clearly. But don't take my word for it. Just be sure to bring a box of Mickey D nuggets in order to do a comparison blind taste test. I think you'd be hard pressed to tell the difference between them. Just make sure to have a beer, tequila, mouthwash or can of 5w30 motor oil handy, for rinsing away the nasty flavor of that ridiculous green sauce. Better yet, order the appy without it, or on the side. Bring a stale cupcake too, just for fun.
The pan fried trout in cornmeal was totally sad and flavorless, accompanied by overcooked limp and soggy veggies (reminiscent of a Ramada Inn conference center somewhere in Fargo, North Dakota, during the 1980's....in winter) and to top off the shit on a plate, a large spoonful of boxed wild rice. Yah, sure, you betcha!
My friend had the fish n chips, which although the fish was good, the entire plate was covered with bits of burnt breading bits, which when brought to the attention of Bubba the waiter and his cousin Bubba the manager, they each replied like a couple of corporate zombie cogs as "it's spec from corporate" and "our customers seem to like it." Poor customers. Of course they do. How silly of us to even question it. We were clearly dining in the wrong place.
The snow birds probably line up out the door to eat at this joynt while looking at tropical fish swimming around in a giant tank and planning their next vacation to Las Vegas, Disney, an RV park or a thrilling all you can eat cruise to the Bahamas. Yes! Very exciting indeed!!
Not exactly sure what that reply meant, but judging by their reactions to our question, we just let it go and chalked up the experience to a lesson in overpriced culinary vulgarity.
Good times near seizure world. Haha. Good times indeed. I'll never go back.
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)
![[cxml]](/fct/images/cxml_doc.png)
![[csv]](/fct/images/csv_doc.png)
![[text]](/fct/images/ntriples_doc.png)
![[turtle]](/fct/images/n3turtle_doc.png)
![[ld+json]](/fct/images/jsonld_doc.png)
![[rdf+json]](/fct/images/json_doc.png)
![[rdf+xml]](/fct/images/xml_doc.png)
![[atom+xml]](/fct/images/atom_doc.png)
![[html]](/fct/images/html_doc.png)