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| - I am so completely out of the target audience for this absurdly upscale shopping mall in the spanking new City Center that I'm surprised I wasn't prevented from entering the place. Perhaps the owners of the high-end boutiques and restaurants here get a hearty guffaw from seeing the likes of me in my Banana Republic jacket and Old Navy sweatshirt. "Obviously a low-life from the Excalibur" is what I imagine they must whisper about me. Gee, am I being self-absorbed? Does it always have to be about me? Why yes, it's a Yelp review, you hypocrite.
Well, if I am, so are they...and twice on Sundays. It's all about attitude here and the right anorexic body in designer clothing. Granted it's a pretty place in a Town & Country kind of way, but can anyone seriously shop at a mall where you have to consider taking out a second? Stores like Bottega Veneta, Ermenegildo Zegna, Kiki de Montparnasse, and other unpronounceable names offer merchandise for the high-roller, the bejeweled matron, the society dandy. I guess I need to put my Costco card away. And does it show off my low-class status when I titter at an exclusive bookstore called Assouline?
I guess that's a better name than Assouwipe. But hey, at least you can take the tram to the Aria or the Bellagio from here. Or stare at the weird latticed pod restaurant in the middle (see photo). I'd high-tail it to the Bellagio since it has dancing fountains and a lot more character than the City Center. Excuse me for belching, but I expect a little more tackiness in my Vegas experience, a little stretch polyester...a little gold lame. But not at Crystals. No, your pinkie better be up when you go into Assouline. Assouline? Tee-hee...
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