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  • Wowza. The only reason I did not give this place five stars is because the prices are ludicrous ($9.03 CAD for a cheeseburger? 4 realz?) and they kinda screwed up my order (in a good way though)... but I did not have room for fries in my tummy & I f*cking hate Maalox so I politely declined the line cooks' offer to "just take it, it's on us. When you serve 100 people in 5 minutes you tend to lose track of things every once in awhile." Sadly, I like my fries extruded or batter-coated with spices like KFC's or Burger King's & fried twice for crispiness if need be. My sister and her friend beat me to losing their Five Guys virginity & told me their fries have a tendency to get soggy. No wonder. They serve it in soft drink cup-style vessels with no vent holes, inadvertently steaming the fries sitting anywhere near the middle or bottom of the container. Another thing I couldn't understand: Five Guys fries is fried in peanut oil (they had more than half a dozen 20-litre? buckets stacked up in close proximity to their humongous fryolators) & there are peanut shells littered all over the floor in some franchises (encouraged by the company or the handiwork of asshole diners? Can't say. I have the research skills of a fruit fly) so, uh... ANAPHYLAXIS ALERT! Don't touch anyone who's been to Five Guys if you left your EpiPen at home. The grilled bun became flat and soggy but it couldn't be helped 'cuz the burger was huge and the toppings weren't stacked any lower. It was very generously-sized. I busted a tiny scab on my left cheek for virtually unhinging my mandible to take a decent bite. Almost worth the $9.03. Almost. I just can't justify spending $9.03 (even for a combo) but for a single cheeseburger? 'GASP.' Miraculously nobody had to do the Heimlich manoeuvre on me. Odds of getting a coronary from the food are a lot slimmer than from panicking at the shameless gouging taking place at this establishment! That cheeseburger was a f*cking festival in my gullet though. It made me so goddamn happy. Easily the best burger I've tried in Toronto thus far. I wish there was a Canadian burger joint this good. That thing they do with sandwiching the cheese slice(s) between two thin fresh-off-the-grill patties to form a beautifully thick, perfectly melted cheese-centered patty/grilled cheese with cow instead of bread? GENIUS! I could kiss all FIVE GUYS for coming up with that.
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