I just don't get it. Walking through this place and then reading all the reviews makes me feel like I'm actually living as a character in The Emperor's New Clothes. The hype around this place is ridiculous. The Desert Botanical Garden is listed everywhere as a destination. Yelp loves it. Tripadvisor has it listed as #2 out of 160 things to do in Phoenix. I have good friends with normally excellent judgement who think it's great. Look at the man behind the curtain, Phoenix.
What the Desert Botanical Garden has is desert. You know the thing that you can access literally EVERYWHERE that isn't city? That thing that surrounds us in its full, powerful, unadulterated glory on all sides? The Desert Botanical Garden is just desert. Desert plus asphalt walking paths, crowds, and a $20 surcharge and the squawking, adoring, ludicrous praise of thousands. Emperor indeed.
Here is a list of places you can get the desert experience without having to pay $20:
- Camelback Mountain
- Squaw Peak
- Flatiron
- South Mountain
- Papago Park. Literally right next door.
- Your Neighborhood Culvert/Flood Drainage Canal
Other things DBG offers that are totally worth your $20:
- bathrooms, how exciting
- people walking around
- volunteers smiling and nodding
- did I mention the concrete paths?
- an opportunity to buy food and drink at concession prices
- a few cool glass sculptures that you can see for free at the entrance
- signs with names of plants so you know what to look up on wikipedia
- places to sit for when you get tired of walking
- places to walk for when you get tired of sitting
- more plants you can see for free in nature
It's cool Phoenix, keep telling me what a glorious new outfit the desert has found in its new Botanical Garden. And I'll go for a hike.