| rev:text
| - We have all done things we aren't proud of...even Rex Marvin. Sure, I threw a blind old lady down a flight of stairs for touching my foot with her cane. I have gone into hospitals and eaten people's food while they are asleep, took the flowers and used their toilet and not flushed. I have chased little kids off my lawn with a hacksaw and a freshly cut pigs head. I have thrown snowballs that I have soaked in waters and put in my freezer until they were harder than rocks at Girl Scouts just so they would drop their boxes of cookies. I have dreamed of Kenny G naked. I have done ALL of these things AND some things that I am not proud of.
I will share one shameful secret with you now. For years, when the tin can collection business was bad, and when the Cabbage Patch sex doll modification industry bottomed out...I was forced...to eat Domino's pizza. I know! I know. I am a monster. I hate myself. I really do. It is like the time I slept with Melissa Rivers, there is no excuse. There is no water that can clean my body, no booze that can erase my memories, no religion that can fix my broken soul. Melissa and Dominos...two of the most horrible things anyone can put in their mouth.
For months I have seen the commercials that Dominos have changed. Apparently the old chef's formula of tire rubber, used diapers, cheese made in the Ukraine and some kind of red liquid type substance was no longer suitable to the American palate. News flash...it never was! It was cheap. It was easy to get and 9 out of 10 times conveniently placed near a hospital, insane asylum, refugee camp, old man bar or a factory whose chemicals were so strong that it removes 2 or more senses from its long term employees. The weak, the drunk, the drug addled, the infirmed, the crazy, the stupid and the people who didn't know any better were the Domino's typical crowd. The lobby of a Domino's rivaled the DMV for the scariest place on earth.
Well...dear readers...I know you love me. I know you worship me. I know that I am your God. You know I hate you all, but you don't care. That makes me hate you more. Well, your love of me after this admission will complete the process from abject hatred to indifference. I tried it again. I did. The commercials got me. I had to know this hot crap could be any better? Well, you know what...it is. It is MUCH better. I want to preference this part of my review by saying that all chain pizza places suck and they should not be considered to be real pizza by anyone who doesn't live in Idaho, because they are rubes who know no better. So my stars are based only on chain pizza places and not real food.
So, I tried the new and improved red sauce pizza and it is good for what it is...a step above frozen pizza, and 10 steps below real pizza. I didn't think it was the greatest thing since sliced bread, I didn't think it was as good as good plain bread. It was a pretty decent chain pizza. Well, after that...and this accounts for one star...I had a revelation...they serve white sauce and BBQ sauce. The BBQ sauce was okay, take it or leave it...but the white pizza was so damn good it made my knees shake. This was actually a good pizza. Here is why. The white sauce was good, I added chicken and bacon for my toppings...immediately I am giving Dominos every chance to be good. How can you screw this up...well they didn't and they did something wonderful. The butter cheese spread they put on the crust that really is a decent addition with the red sauce, and useless with the BBQ, was now a true delight. This pizza was rich, buttery, cheesy, and delicious. It cost me 6 bucks, and for 6 bucks I will get it again...and not just when I am high as a kite off of dust cleaner fumes...oh no...it is good enough to eat sober...and lets face it...whoever thought they would say that about Dominos?
Rex doesn't hate you. Rex hates everyone.
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)
![[cxml]](/fct/images/cxml_doc.png)
![[csv]](/fct/images/csv_doc.png)
![[text]](/fct/images/ntriples_doc.png)
![[turtle]](/fct/images/n3turtle_doc.png)
![[ld+json]](/fct/images/jsonld_doc.png)
![[rdf+json]](/fct/images/json_doc.png)
![[rdf+xml]](/fct/images/xml_doc.png)
![[atom+xml]](/fct/images/atom_doc.png)
![[html]](/fct/images/html_doc.png)