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| - I don't really eat red meat outside of the family farm, so is it really fair to critique a burger joint when I didn't try a burger? Screw you, here's my review anyways.
Bf was craving a big burger and he figures I'm from the islands, might as well take me back. What islands this joint mimics, I'm not sure. But I don't think its the Hawaiian islands. Maybe the Florida Keys. The place is decorated like a Jimmy Buffet song. It pretty gross.
The service was friendly enough. Our waitress was attentive and polite. They're located right next to Palo Verde High School so at around 2p, a bunch or under-aged waitstaff waltzes in. Yes, young waitress snatch.
Bf normally tries the wings where ever he goes. Its his barometer of overall quality. My barometer would be the fries. More on that later. The wings were $9 for a basket. I said the basket better be pretty big and made of gold for $9 and change. The wings were standard buffalo wings with that buttery, vinegary orange glaze, served with ranch and carrot and celery sticks. On his second wing, he bit into a cool spot. Quality control much?
The menu items are hokey "island"ish names like the Hula burger, the Kilauea burger, the Hawaiian ... The Maui burger comes with quacamole. Um ... is Mexico an island now?
They also have a Kaanapali [sic. Should be Ka'anapali, with okina] Kobb, a cobb salad. There was absolutely nothing Hawaiian about it.
I ordered a Hula burger on wheat, like a mushroom swiss + extra charge for avocado ($8 + 1). My favorite thing about this place is that they'll substitute any beef patty with a veggie patty, free of charge. They also sub chicken breast burgers for +$1.
Bf ordered a Kilauea burger ($8). He wanted his burger rare, but our waitress told us they don't go less than medium. Hold the phone. Why is this? It takes less effort to cook a burger rare. Because you cook it less. So why in Zeus' name can't they cook it less? We didn't make a big deal, beyond the Zeus speech and he just got it medium.
When I looked at his burger, I couldn't tell the difference between the wheat bread and the thoroughly-cooked beef. Brown brown brown.
My burger was good. But if you screw up a veggie burger, you need to kill yourself. My burger smelled so buttery. The butter from my sauteed mushrooms soaked into the top bun. The whole thing was mushy from the moisture of the mushrooms, the mayo, and veggie patty ... and it was wonderful. There's a part of me that enjoys mushy burgers. I ended up having to eat it with a knife and fork in the end. Its like the middle of the cinnamon bun, all messy, but that's where the biggest concentration of flavor is. Oh, yeah, and I eat my burgers in concentric circles.
The fries. A travesty to fried foods. They were like greenish. They were thicker than shoestring and flavorless and dry. But they're not cooked in lard and have no trans fats. Honestly, if I'm eating fries, they better be cooked in lard and taste like pig guts and I don't care about the trans fats. They're french fries goddamnit. Not jicama.
There's a little table tent advertising about how their wonderful fries now come with the burgers. Because they can't sell them any more. They have to give them away.
There were only two desserts, each $6. But we didn't bother because they looked super boring. One was a brownie with toppings. The other was fudge ice cream with toppings. Meh.
The total before tip: $32. Gr.
Oh. And "Fine" should be stricken from this establishment's name.
* off the strip, non-casino
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