| rev:text
| - Unless Misty May and Kerri Walsh are playing sand volleyball in the nude on Whitey's volleyball courts, I won't find me going back to Whitey's.
Zero stars for you, Whitey. Zero stars.
Why, why why...why do people love this place? You mention it, and people from all over NE Ohio get moist around the eyes and proclaim their undying devotion. I know it's an institution, but it's time for a reality check.
I live in Richfield, but have been boycotting this place for the past 5 years since their miserable CASH ONLY policy left me high and dry once (the bartender, with an accusational finger, pointing me towards the ATM.) Then recently, some friends from across town suggested a visit to Whitey's, probably because it's the only notable landmark left in Richfield since the Coliseum vanished into prairie. So, I decided maybe it was time to give creepy old Whitey another shot.
Regrettable..... let's break it down.
1) STAFF: The staff are smug and cocky. As if they have landed a dream job working in this shithole and that I should be somehow jealous and not demand too much of their attention, unless I'm a regular. We waited 20 minutes to place our order, and another 20 minutes to get our check after the plates were cleared. No apology offered.
2) FOOD: It was the worst hamburger I've ever eaten. Worse than McDonalds. Greasy, overcooked, tasteless...it's origin as steak completed transformed into a colorless, flavorless, hideous gray mass. My wife ordered the grilled cheese, which was so inundated with butter as to render it almost inedible. It was like eating a stick of raw butter. Everyone at my table was thoroughly disgusted with their food...no-one finished.
3) Are coming here for the ATMOSPHERE? I hope not. The dining areas are cramped and have about as much charm and appeal as a truck stop in Peoria. There's a random collection of uninteresting garage sale junk hanging from the already low ceiling in the bar area, enhancing your overall sense of trashiness. Trashy, with a side order of cramped and dark. This is Whitey's.
4) The beer selection is as mundane and low-end as possible. The Great Lakes seasonal was the only tolerable option on draft. If you gonna suck at everything else, at least give me some decent beer so I can get drunk enough to deal with my situation.
5) Cash only. (I'm still bitter.)
6) The Whitey's Logo. A pissed-off, vampire-looking old white guy in a bowtie, who looks like he'd lynch you just as readily as he'd make you bowl of chili.
Overall, it was about as pleasant of an experience as an emergency appendectomy. Done with this review. I'm going to return to thinking about something pleasant now. Like Kerri Walsh naked.
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