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  • Lasik is something that I have wanted to do for several years and have been to several consultations but never pulled the trigger. The thought of having lasers shot into my eyes always gave me more anxiety than I could handle. I was spurred to do something about it this fall and was recommended to Schwartz Laser Eye Center by my boss. I have had horrible, awful vision since I was a wee little lad and cannot remember what it was like to not wear glasses/contacts. I was pretty much blind in one and couldn't see out of the other. Everyone at Schwartz were wonderful and made me at ease with my decision to have fricken sharks shoot fricken laser beams into my eyes. Minus the sharks. I think. I couldn't see very well and the doctors had masks on. Who am I to judge someone if they identify as a shark. Their efficiency is impressive. Mother Russia would be proud. They busted out fixed eyes like it was going out of style. They are truly professional blind cat herders. The surgery was almost painless. The hardest part of the whole thing was the 3 or 4 hours afterwards. It felt like my eyes were propped open with toothpicks whilst riding a bullet bike 200 mph without goggles during a haboob. After a few hours the pain subsided and when I got up I was able to see like it was a clear summer day. It was like the heavens had opened up and I think I heard angels sing. If we lived in any other state that wasn't Arizona I would have skipped through fields of flowers but instead I rolled in the dirt. I was able to drive myself to the follow up appointment the next day without any issue. They checked my eyes and said I was seeing at 20/15. For those of us who have not evolved into having perfect version, that is an amazing thing to hear. It almost brought tears to my eyes but then I remembered that crying is only allowed at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Next to the Dallas Cowboys beating the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl XXX, getting lasik was the best day of my life. There's kids and marriage and stuff but lets be honest, they weren't the ones that gave me perfect vision. There is one thing you have to watch out for. Their sports teams allegiances are out of whack. The girl who works the front desk is a Pittsburgh Steelers fan. There's a Packers fan but all they care about is cheese and they all think they're part owners of the team. But seriously, we all know Dez caught it. Then there is a Bears fan but you'll just feel bad for him. Seriously, Jay Cutler. Even after I told them I rooted for America's Team they gave me perfect version. If you're thinking about getting lasik, just do it already damn it. And call Schwartz Laser Eye Center. And in case you were thinking it, no they didn't pay me to write this awesome review. I'm just a swell guy like that. But I would take free tacos if anyone is listening. There's not much in life better than post lasik life and tacos.
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