| rev:text
| - A good friend and I were in downtown Phoenix at lunchtime. I was excited we might eat at one of my favorites along Central (Postino, Fez, Windsor). But, since it was really my friend's day, when she asked about restaurants, I deferred, "What did you have in mind?" She said "How about The Old Spaghetti Factory". I tried not to let my lip curl in disgust (I dislike all chain Italian restaurants). But, again, deferring to her, I said "Sure, I always like to try new places."
We were seated fairly promptly. The decor was kitschy, but we had a nice table with comfy chairs. Our waiter brought bread and took our drink order. I asked if their iced tea was caffeine free, he said "Oh yes, we brew it ourselves." WHAT?!?. Just because they brew it instead of taking it from a soda gun doesn't guarantee it's caffeine free.
Having been there before, my friend knew she wanted the lasagna. Being Italian, I never order lasagna in restaurants as I know mine is better ( I make 2 kinds of lasagna, regular that just takes a few hours, and then the grand dame, lasagna bolognese, which takes 2 days, with all the braising and creating 2 separate sauces). I had a bad vibe theirs wouldn't hold a candle to even my "lazy" lasagna. I chose spaghetti with mizithra and brown butter, supposedly their signature dish. All entrees come with bread, soup or salad, and tea or coffee.
Our waiter took our order. My friend asked for the lunch portion of lasagna. The waiter replied "Oh, we don't have lunch portions of the lasagna, just dinner size.". My first thought: it's FROZEN. My second thought: nice way to up-sell buddy. She had cream of broccoli soup and I had salad with pesto ranch on the side. Our waiter delivered the soup and salad, but forgot the dressing. He said he'd be right back with it. When we flagged him down 5 minutes later, he was surprised I had no dressing, saying "I told the busboy to bring it to you." This must have been the same busboy who was so busy doing anything but his job that a nearby table remained uncleared during our entire meal. Soon, he dropped off a small silver dish containing a pesto ranch popsicle. Yes, the dressing was FROZEN. I had to stir it so it would thaw enough to pour. The salad was a big plate of pedestrian iceberg, cabbage and carrots with packaged croutons that appeared as if they had been chopped in half to stretch them.
My friend was sorely disappointed with her lasagna, saying it didn't taste like she remembered from past visits. I told her it was probably because it was frozen pre-packaged, which was why they couldn't cut it into lunch portions. My spaghetti with mizithra was so bland, I'm sure any finicky toddler or nursing home patient with a digestive disorder could have tolerated it (and I'm not insulting seniors or anyone with digestive issues, as my husband suffers from one, I'm just commenting on the utter lack of flavor in this dish). Where's the garlic? Where's the nutty goodness of brown butter? I don't think what they used ever came from a cow, I'm quite sure it was industrial grade margarine.
Sadly, even their bread wasn't all that flavorful. It looked and smelled good when it first arrived hot to the table, but shortly after, it seemed extremely flavorless and the "butter" added nothing.
All I could think was "Robert Irvine would have a field day trying to fix this place on Restaurant: Impossible!", then I remembered he doesn't work with chains. As Daniel D alluded, Olive Garden would have been a better choice.
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