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| - A word of advice to those eating in the Tempe area: avoid restaurants filled with trendy vibes, trendy college students, and 40-somethings dressing 20-something to relive their trendy years. Do I sound petty? Perhaps. But I stand by that statement and Ncounter is probably the best proof I can display to fulfill my words.
Aesthetically, Ncounter appears to be your standard wannabee "coffee center of intellect." Sepia toned pictures of windmills straight out of the Wizard of Oz, run-of-the-mill bright wood tables, a "bar," and a hand full of the self-proclaimed elite trend monkeys I just love so much to hate. What a bore.
Now being my first, and hopefully last, visit to Ncounter both myself and the person I came with were slightly taken back by the new menu. Standing a few feet away from the actual ordering area we spent at least five or so minutes pondering upon what to eat. Everything sounded so appealing and utterly delicious! Every breakfast classic from eggs benedict (shortened to "bene's" ugh...) to your standard omelette had enough variations available to please nearly any palette. Already in the mood for an omelette, I gravitated towards an item entitled the "Hot Juan." Chorizo, salsa, jalapenos, cheese, peppers, and onions; sounds wonderful does it not? My breakfast mate decided upon a somewhat similar option, "Huevos n' Chorizo." Essentially the same dish only the eggs are served sunny side rather than in omelette form. We also ordered a side of sourdough toast and a coffee to share. **The coffee here is self serve, something I have not before seen in a restaurant. A great idea I wish more establishments would catch on to.**
Before I get into the actual food itself I want to discuss the vibe and service of Ncounter. The place is infested with what could possibly be the rudest, most self-absorbed, trendy, soul wretched, basic, and nasty clientele and staff on Earth. Everyone from the man behind the ordering counter to the bus boys to the gathering of Pitchfork Media fans (some of them were actually wearing the logo on their clothes...) exuded a vile aura of judgement. Sneering and sneakily nodding at the apparently entertaining crowd around them, each and every individual resembled a cartoon character created to fill the world with angst and elitism. I could not help but feel like an onlooker of a real life Breakfast Club. Clashing cliques of staff and customers. Is this a restaurant or high school? Also really did not appreciate my server essentially tossing my plate of food on the table and scurrying away without a word.
Okay so you get the point, the place is hipster hell. Or maybe I'm just being dramatic. I imagine everyone will have different opinion on the matter. Fortunately, I actually do have something both undeniable AND negative to spew about Ncounter. The food resembled that of a musty and fly ridden diner I once ate at in a nightmare I had years ago. In fact, it was so insultingly putrid and revolting I refuse to actually go in depth. So instead here is a short list of single words that describe the slop I was served:
1. Cold
2. Meatless
3. Pace (yes, like the salsa brand)
4. Floppy
5. Speechless
Ncounter serves no purpose for a foodie, which is weird because I seem to have developed a love-hate relationship with the dump over the course of writing this review. I absolutely LOVE and ADORE the fact that Ncounter is essentially the restaurant equivalent to an Old-Western brothel. The over-hyped food and foul attitude of the place keeps trendy people out of my sight much like cheap whiskey and prostitutes herded the mongrel masses of times past into a playpen of their own filthy ways. I absolutely HATE everything else about it.
In case you didn't pick this up on your own, the ever increasing anger in the tone of my review really just represents EXACTLY how my experience played out... Also I feel ashamed I actually devoted so much emotion and time into writing about Ncounter. God, even the name is terrible isn't?
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