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| - So there's this conspiracy in the SF Bay to advertise us food that we can't get there. This only mildly upset me when they start playing commercials for Sonic in the middle of the night (the nearest one being 47 miles away). I became enraged that I was being taunted by commercials for Buffalo Wild Wings (which I dearly love) because the closest one is 402 miles south.
But Cici's. You were the icing on that cake of "shit you can look at on TV but not touch." As far as I can tell you don't even EXIST in California. Why are you advertising here every 30 minutes on every channel? Is this some sort of joke? Why are you taunting my poor starved little college wallet with the promise of a real meal for under $5? Do you know how much it costs to eat in Silicon Valley??! You can't even get a side salad that cheap most places!
Oh Cici's, I lusted after your promise of an end to my Jack in the Box catered everything.
Luckily I spend most of my free time in Phoenix, which actually has Sonics and BWW's and Dave and Busters. And now, Cici's! I couldn't wait to get in and try everything! This is indeed a mortal paradise, a proverbial garden of cheap pizza delights.
I could never have foreseen the horrors.
Eating at Cici's is like marrying the man of your dreams and finding out his entire extending family is moving in with him. All of them, every niece and nephew, sister and brother, cousin and half cousin, grannie, grampy, great grannie, all of them. All of them AND their children. The noise...THE NOISEEEEE.
I have never felt so claustrophobic in such a large space. There was no where to turn, no where to hide. It was like a food fight in a bad 80's teen movie. Screaming and laughing and crying to the sound of food hitting the floor and full glasses being knocked over. Grubby hands smearing pizza sauce everywhere. And Cici's employees floating around asking everyone how their experience is, smiling like they've got guns pointed at their backs, working that good old fashioned doublethink, "this is fine, everything is fine, keep smiling, KEEP SMILING, everything is under control, oh my god, KEEP SMILING."
To be fair to Cici's, it's not their fault. You open a cheap chain and you're going to attract the families in search of deals. Families with lots of hungry children. Hungry children are ill-behaved. Especially when there's 100 of them.
The food is exactly what you expect for a $5 pizza buffet. It's fine, it's totally passable, if you spend $5 to eat there you will leave feeling totally ok about that. It's not a deal, but it's not a rip-off.
No, the rip-off is what happens when junior #23, #32, and #47 all conspire to tear your cargo pockets off your shorts while you're trying to fill your soda. Or when they decide to trip you onto the floor by the Mac and Cheese pizza and strip your carcass to the bones.
Keep back, you filthy little hooligans! This place is madness!
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