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| - I've been here before on multiple occasions and always enjoyed myself, so I was really looking forward to writing this review. Until I went again. It's been a couple years, and things have either changed, or I was on crack a couple years ago... and I wasn't.
When one walks into a restaurant and it is 114 degrees outside, one looks forward to the cool rush of air conditioning to make one comfortable before dinner. One does not find that here. There seemed to be a central air conditioning system in place, but it was either broken or unused. I'm guessing unused, because they have wall air conditioners spaced five feet apart all along the walls of the place, and of the ten or twelve of these, one was on, vaguely near us. It didn't help. It's rather a big building. This is like trying to heat your whole house with a match. In Siberia. At night.
But the food, right? We ordered two appetizers that any competent restaurant should have no problem with: fried calamari and crab puffs. The fried calamari looked like big fat onion rings. No subtlety here, these calamari were obviously steroid-fed giants that required a sawzall to disassemble. They had the consistency of big giant rubber bands. The crab puffs were uninspiring. But at least they came with two different varieties of watery, salt-flavored sauce!
We went for the Teppan, because what else would you go to a Teppan place for? Before the floor show started, the first course was a delicious bowl of saltwater soup. What's that dear? It was supposed to be chicken broth? The wife says it was chicken broth. I had no idea. I thought it was saltwater soup, so I was holding it to a lower standard. As saltwater soup goes, it was delicious, I'm fairly certain there were three or four slices of green onion in it! As chicken broth goes, though, it was pure ass-ery.
And now for the Teppan. The floor show! I love Teppan floor shows! I paid thirty bucks for this! Bring it on!
An amiable young man approaches our table. He is not wearing a Teppan chef uniform. Hmm... well, he certainly knows how to click his spatulas together and make noises! This should be great! Yeah, no, not so much. In between dropping everything, slinging sauces all over everybody and generally screwing up all his "moves" he was about as impressive as that dude on the Food Network who took up flair bartending for a week and entered the world series of flair bartending only to look like a gigantic douche.
But the food, right? Let me tell you about the steak. It was cooked perfectly. When you take your first bite, that wonderful, overwhelming flavor of delicious margarine hits you like a brick to the face. It is followed up by that oh-so-subtle flood of salt and a hint of sugar. A TOUR DE FORCE (of suck). The fried rice and shrimp fared similarly.
At least when he did that thing where he lights a giant column of fire in front of us, we could take comfort in the fact that even though we were sweating our balls off, the fire was very impressive. We asked him not to do it again though. BECAUSE IT WAS HOT.
Seriously you geniuses (genii?). Turn your air conditioning on. I know the place was empty on a Tuesday night or whatever, but DID YOU EVER STOP TO WONDER WHY? Oh and if you're going to have an amateur running the Teppan table serving up your six-shrimp and 3oz steak portions for dinner with absolutely zero pizazz, that's cool, but how about making it half price like the sushi? It's hardly worth that. Seriously, no wonder the employees skulk around like zombies in need of potent doses of prozac. They probably all figure they're going to be in the unemployment line soon.
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