Dear Maizie's patrons,
While the 3 large hi-def televisions strategically placed throughout the establishment and constantly tuned to various athletic competitions may seem to indicate that Maizie's is a sports bar, it is in fact not a sports bar.
So when you yell "FUMBLE!" at the top of your lungs while I am trying to enjoy my Savannah Chicken Salad, I find that to be somewhat of a distraction. Please try to contain yourself.
Sincerely,
Chris B.