| rev:text
| - This review goes out to my boy Brian Urb... who took me to this place because he knew I was a cheap ass when it comes to strip joints, because I'm not trying to throw my hard earned money at some aftermarket enhanced chicks who probably drive more expensive cars than I personally own. Screw that!
***For all those who rated Glitter Gulch with only 1 star, you guys are taking your strip club experiences a little too seriously! You gotta laugh about it, because it really is humorous when you think about it! Peep it.
Brian Urb smooth talked me into coming to this place because he was like, "look dude. You can't spend your whole time in Vegas at a casino on the Strip! You gotta experience the old school, ghetto Vegas! We gotta go to Glitter Gulch. It's right across the street from ABC Stores, and they don't even charge you a cover! Come onnn!" Okay. Sold. It was a weekday, and we had nothing else going on, and I wanted to get some Garlic Macadamia nuts from the ABC Store anyway.
Brian wasn't lying. The cover charge WAS free. And just as I started making my way towards the back, Brian pushes me towards the front stage, and says "come on man, we're sitting right up front!" WTF? I'm thinking... oh hell no, the guys who sit at the stage are the ones who waste the most dough at strip joints, because the DJ who calls out "and now appearing on the main stage... is Candy! Candy everybody!" also calls out "don't forget to tip your dancers" while the girls give you the evil eye. Now you all must be thinking I'm the biggest cheapskate, but it's just my philosophy I guess... Since I'm a photographer, I know a TON of good looking women, who look millions of times better (even without makeup) than these broke ass chicks rocking the Glitter Gulch stage. So why do we throw money at them?
I have no idea. Someone's gotta support the single moms I guess. And single moms they must be, cause alot of these Glitter Gulch dancers look BROKE like a Ford Explorer past its warranty period. Buttaface chicks, rockin stretch marks as if they were an army general's stripes... these chicks been doing this for quite some time.
But my homie Brian reassures me, "dude it's all good. We're not here to stare at the hot chicks. Everyone knows the hot girls are all at Spearmint or Crazy Horse. We're just here to get a couple drinks and get a laugh!" And get a laugh is exactly what we DID! We chilled out at the main stage, trippin at the audacity of some of these strippers. I can't believe they accepted some of these chicks, with their summer teeth! (Don't understand our terminology? Summer teeth = Some are here, some are there...) I mean some of these girls were "aiiight." I remember seeing three dancers who were solid 7s. But dude. Some of these chicks were straight up like... 3s! And THOSE were the ones who just made us laugh.
And the best part..! $3 drink specials and $1 motorboats. When you throw a dollar on the stage, the chicks come around and slap their boobs in your face. I didnt expect this the first time, so it shocked the hell out of me, and I just busted out laughing!
Then I started thinking about it... "man, I don't think I know a girl who would motorboat my face for only ONE us dollar!" Hilarious!!! Shit, that's a bargain when you think about it! I mean, even the items on McDonald's value menu cost like $1.07 when you add in the tax! So $1 motorboats at Glitter Gulch are a BARGAIN!!! Brian and I just sat up there at the main stage with a HUGE stack of dollar bills in each hand, shaking our heads and laughing to ourselves, while throwing dollars at the chicks.
After like 2 hours in there, we got bored and decided to bounce. I asked him, "so... how much did you spend?" "Uhmm, let's see... 21 dollars. How bout you?" "Uhm.... eighteen." And we just laughed our asses off and walked over to ABC Store to buy the macadamia nuts I originally wanted.
Hilarious. Screw the $4 Prime Ribs in Vegas, the REAL Vegas bargain is the $1 Motorboats at Glitter Gulch. Where else are you gonna find a single mom to rub her boobs in your face for just a dollar. Honestly!
It just HAS to make you laugh when you think about it.
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)
![[cxml]](/fct/images/cxml_doc.png)
![[csv]](/fct/images/csv_doc.png)
![[text]](/fct/images/ntriples_doc.png)
![[turtle]](/fct/images/n3turtle_doc.png)
![[ld+json]](/fct/images/jsonld_doc.png)
![[rdf+json]](/fct/images/json_doc.png)
![[rdf+xml]](/fct/images/xml_doc.png)
![[atom+xml]](/fct/images/atom_doc.png)
![[html]](/fct/images/html_doc.png)