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  • Oh, man. Bite is the most laughable, cheesy show I've ever seen, in Las Vegas or otherwise. Stratosphere is laid out like a cylindrical turd, meaning you'll have to walk through tons of shit before you finally get to where to want to be. When you finally get to the theater, you're shown inside and are seated at tables with other people. Weird, especially if, like my husband and I, you are seated next to a guy who looks like a twelve-year-old kid and who happens to be there with his parents. I don't even know where to begin after that. There are sexy female vampires. Once they bared their asses, they lost all vampiric credibility with me. Then their coven leader...can I just say, "Bahahahahahaha!"? If you've ever seen WWE wrestling, you know who the Undertaker is. Well, the coven leader of all these sexy vampires is apparently the Undertaker's doppelganger. Cue cheesy rock music every time he appears. There is a vampire with a shaved head whose only purpose is to yell, "Yaaaaaaah!" I'm serious. You're laughing and wondering how this could be possible, but it's true. At one point, there is some respectable work done by a female performer doing either silks or Spanish web, I can't remember which. Don't be scared when they ask for audience participation. The only people who end up actually participating are actresses pre-planted in the audience. One of the actors has a great voice, although I honestly can't remember his contribution to the actual plot. At that point, I was just trying too hard not to laugh. I think I was wearing my signature, "What the fuck IS this?" look the whole time. Remember in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," where the guy writes the over-the-top, vampire opera? Substitute the worst rock music ever for the opera music, and substitute hard-working girls who happen to like dancing topless for cute puppets, and you've got Bite. Save your money. Either go to a strip club if you want erotic dance, or go see a Cirque du Soleil show if you want an artsy, cool performance.
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