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  • Settlers Ridge is a huge, meretricious shopping center that is essentially South Side Works planted on top of a mountain. In Robinson, a stronghold of the chain experience, Settlers Ridge acts as an altar of avarice and corporate, suburban vapidity. Over 30 businesses, few of which I have any desire to tip-toe into, await your dollars. Among them are Giant Eagle, PF Chang's (look, I'm not going, aight?), Omaha Steaks (this is not a joke and is unfortunate), Dairy Queen, Five Below, Barnes & Noble, Shoe Carnival, and I'll stop to prevent nausea on the part of my readers. Malls were bad enough; these monstrous, obnoxious complexes threaten to replace them. They do, however, have a swanky, sparkling Cinemark theater that I'll review separately. I do kinda, sorta, wanna try the Red Robin due to my weakness for the time-traveling old-fashioned diner craze. Bear in mind that I grew up watching the Back To The Future movies many times over as well as 50's sci-fi and horror films back when they aired on late-night television in the 80's. Other than that, I plan to avoid Settlers Ridge and hope you'll do the same. The bright lights and neon signs alone gave me migraines. Feelings of shame, regret, lethargy flooded my psyche as we drove through the lot, the color and vitality of the city calling this lost soul homeward, seemingly in vain.
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