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| - This place sucks.
Now I understand that's not the most helpful assessment, so I'll elaborate to save you from ending up at this crap hole should you think, "Oh Erica, you must have just been cranky that day!" Not so.
It all started when I had a craving for hummus earlier this week. I work too far from just about every hummus slinging place in Tempe but Byblos. So I decided to try something new, and was left with a sour taste in my mouth.
First off, the place is located in a shitty plaza of decaying shops (home to the Yucca Tap Lounge if that's any indication) and it's right next door to a Mexican food restaurant that I've never seen anyone enter or leave, so it looks like a front for some shady 'business' dealings. But my craving would not be deterred by a craptastic plaza, after all, Capistrano's is in the same plaza and it's delicious. Looks aren't everything. Hummus would be had.
We enter. It's empty and dumpy looking. The only people here have a mean age of 70. We significantly bring this average down. Waaaay down. We are escorted to a table and peruse the menu. The server (I assume it's the unfriendly server you had, Kelly B., because he looked like he had a stick up his ass that had been festering there for the past 60 years) took our drink orders and came back with two itsy bitsy little cups. Seriously? You're going to charge me 2.50 for six ounces of lemonade? We order. He frowns for the umpteenth time in our short interaction and waddles off to the kitchen. The food arrives.
The hummus was straight up GROSS, and the pita bread was shockingly similar to cardboard. The hummus tasted sour with a texture that was a combination between chalk and paste. If I can corner a five year old, I'm going to conduct a taste test between the two substances and see if there's any discernable difference. My money's on no. The presentation was nice, with pickles, tomatoes, olive oil and parsley, but if I wrap a piece of dried up dog shit in ribbons and bows, your gift would still be a piece of dried up dog shit. Maybe you could use it as a paper weight?
The tomato soup that came along with lunch was pretty decent,and the gyro meat was well spiced. But the fact that my gyro was wrapped in the aforementioned cardboard pita bread was really unappetizing. It's like they took rock hard, stale pita bread, heated it in the microwave to make it pliable, molded it and let it cool in its rigid formation.
So if you're 70 and your senses are slowly numbing, you might like this place. Other than that, stay away. It's unwelcoming and unappetizing. The antithesis of what a restaurant should be. Let it slowly decay along with the rest of the shops lining this creepy little plaza at the corner of Mill and Southern.
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