| rev:text
| - I rarely post reviews on Yelp, but came straight to the computer after leaving Asi Es La Vida to post this review. I am writing this because I really don't want other diners to end up feeling like I do now, which is basically overcharged, under-fed and cheated out of a nice night out with my wife.
My wife and I eat out several times a week. We have been driving past Asi Es La Vida for years now, and finally decided to stop in tonight to celebrate a special occasion. I really wish we had picked a different restaurant.
Anyway, if you drive down 24th Street in central Phoenix with any degree of frequency, I'm sure you've seen Asi Es La Vida - the vibrant pink building is striking. You enter the restaurant through a narrow rear entrance and there is no host stand, or no one on duty to show you to a table. We ended up walking awkwardly through the narrow hallway, which eventually empties out into the bar area. We stood there, clearly looking bewildered, and no one came to help us. We had to flatten ourselves against the wall to make room for the server elbowing her way through the aisle. Finally, a bartender pointed to a table and we sat down. Don't expect someone to welcome you, or ask you about a seating preference. We would have liked to have been seated in one of the quieter back room areas, but instead were plunked down in a table next to a musician playing the guitar.
Our server arrived and took our drink orders. A few moments later, a different person arrived and asked for our drink orders. We had trouble discerning who are server was, since there seemed to be a confusing tag-team thing going on. A female server brought our drinks. Then, a few moments later, the same server brought another drink that we hadn't ordered. We told her that was not our order, and she took it away without saying anything.
Throughout our dinner at Asi Es La Vida, service was pretty awful: we asked for water and never got it. Had to flag the server again for water. The female server didn't come and check on us, only casually asked over her shoulder if everything was going while she worked on clearing a different table. Nobody said "Thank you" or "Goodbye" or any other basic pleasantries you expect at a sit-down restaurant.
I could honestly put up with cold, uncaring service if the food was great. And here is the rub: ALMOST EVERYTHING WE ATE HERE WAS AWFUL. Like, cutting-corners-everywhere-to-turn-a-fast-buck level awful. Out of a tin can awful.
We started with the guacamole for two. We got a plate of guacamole with broken pieces of stale chips planted into what barely passes as guacamole for one. I have honestly gotten more guacamole by the friendly sandwich artists at Subway. Strangely, the guacamole is served with three ramekins of salsas: what are we supposed to do with all this salsa, and only about four chips between the two of us? The guacamole cost about $6.
Then came our queso fundido, which was essentially a small, greasy puddle of melted cheese on a flat plate. It came with chorizo and a few nubs of nopales (at least, I think there were nopales in there). It came with four tortillas, one of which was partly broken. You know how tortillas break when they are cold and stale? This was almost that bad. Plus, I know Food City tortillas very well, and these resembled them to a tee. Just don't expect fresh, good quality tortillas - don't even expect properly warmed up tortillas.
Then the entrees. I ordered the "Borrego de Azteca" ($19.95), which is described on the menu as a "leg of lamb." There was no leg of lamb on the plate. Instead, I got a few chunks of chewy meat, a soupy, super-bland puddle of watery white rice, and corn. Ah the corn: someone went through the trouble of using a can opener and nuking them in a microwave for me. They were chewy and super bland, with that distinctly un-fresh taste you only get from food that has spent months in a pantry.
My wife got the mole plate, which was okay. But honestly, i really doubt there is any cooking going on in that kitchen.
Have you ever seen that Gordon Ramsay show, "Kitchen Nightmares," the one where he tries to salvage languishing restaurants? This place really reminded me of the restaurants profiled in that show - before they have been rehabbed.
Please save your hard-earned money! You deserve to be treated with respect - not as an afterthought, as if you are somehow intruding in someone's private home. Take your money and head over to Barrio Cafe, or even Taco Bell - at least they smile at you there while taking your money.
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