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  • We rolled up to the state fair on a fine Sunday afternoon. I was well hydrated and ready for an evening of debauchery involving barnyard animals, deep fried GARBAGE, shitty domestic beer in a plastic cup, and "amusement" rides. Zed and Nickels were on the buddy system, I was their backup buddy, the third wheel on the tricycle of fun, 3-dub for short. Is it sad that the best thing I can say about the State Fair is that with enough beer it becomes tolerable? I discovered that I am not a big fan of deep fried sweets. Maybe I'm just not in the right space for it, but most of the food options at the Fair looked uniformly gross. Nickels went gaga over the bunny rabbits while I had a staring contest with a turkey. Man turkeys are a lot of ugly to pack into one bird. I'm not sure I can continue to eat something that ugly, because if you are what you eat, well let's just say it's not going to be pretty and leave it at that. You would think the funhouse type attractions would be more fun with a few beers but honestly they just weren't. I wanted them to be, but there was nothing scary or really all that interesting about them. The sky rail thing was a little fun altough I felt a little silly sitting up there without skis on and you can imagine my disappointment when the ride did not end at the top of a mountain. We successfully avoided a Doughtry concert, which made me happy, but there was some sort of frightening pre-teen dance troup trainwreck that we ended up in front of at some point. We tried to make light of it. I tried to remember the hilarity of Donnie Darko's little sister's dance troup. I made a half hearted attempt at telling Zed that sometimes I doubt his commitment to Sparklemotion but it was no use. Nickels brought up the fact that somewhere in the audience there was probably a pedophile or two taking in the show and it was all down hill from there. We walked away skeeved out at a society that thinks it's cute to paint up 11 year olds like $10 whores, throw them in sparkly boyshorts, teach them to shake their asses in some semblance of coordinated effort and call it entertainment.
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