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| - Lemme go on record by saying that for the most part, I'm not a big fan of this hotel.
THIS PLACE IS A DUMP
I've been to Paris, France many times. In case it wasn't clear, Paris Las Vegas is nothing like Paris, France. Paris Las Vegas looks more like a "ROSS Dress for Less". You got crap spread all over the floor of a warehouse-like facility with absolutely no rhyme or reason. I know the psychology of casinos pretty well & this is the one place I can't for the life of me figure out what the hell they were trying to do. Shows exit out into casino tables that are perpetually closed? The restaurant elevator drops you off into an area so poorly lit you could get molested & mugged before anyone noticed? What next? The buffet exit leads you straight into the handicapped stall in the men's bathroom?
Maybe they're trying to simulate the annoying need in Paris to constantly ask natives-who-could-care-less, for directions. Frankly, it's as if they took some 5 yr old's kindergarten fingerpainting and made it the floor plan of a casino.
And what mouthbreather still finds the 24/7 "simu-sky" painted ceilings even remotely deluding these days? I think I got tired of this place's fake sky ceiling... back when it was called the CAESAR'S FORUM SHOPS. Meanwhile, the carpeting looks atrocious and lacks any sort of character except of course where people have spilled food.
And damn, if this place is swarming with kids. It's so unauthentic, I fully expected "Le Taco Bell" & "Le Chuck E. Cheese" to be among the shops on "Le Boulevard." Dude. Epic fake.
But hey - here's one similarity: Just like the REAL Paris, there's cigarette butts strewn all over the floor. Good job, a$$holes! Even Hooters at least has a crew of the Mexican mafia picking up after the degenerates that stay there. But you get the impression that the poor Paris janitorial staff just "gave up": They probably helplessly observed the 440-pound wooly mammoth sitting at "Gems Wild Tiles" spilling half an ice cream sundae on the floor while chain smoking Marlboros & knocking over a 40 ounce all over the machine... and said, "Ah f-ck it, amigo. We'll never have basura bags big enough to pick up everything that that monstrosity has dropped. I'd rather go on unemployment than pick up after these neanderthals."
SO 3-STARS... WTF?
Look. On any other day, this little slice of heaven would get the "1-Star of Doom"(TM). But not today... why? Well, it would seem that this hotel has a couple surprising benefits:
1) BLACKJACK
No, not the tables filled with the guys wearing Hawaiian print/Aloha shirts at them. Those tables are the unholy pits of "$5/$500 single deck 6-5" filled with the sheep that "heard single deck is better". This is the part of Paris that makes Jesus cry.
... I'm talking about the "$50/$5000 6-deck 3-2 DAS Late Surr" tables & the lonely "$25/$2000 Double Deck 3-2" pit. The $50 game has one of the smallest edges on the strip outside of the high limit areas and the great thing about the double deck pit is that it's reaaaaally easy to get a 1-on-1 game going with despite marginal rules. (No double after split)
2) EIFFEL TOWER RESTAURANT
Good restaurant. This'd be a GREAT restaurant if they would just 1) ban all children and 2) ban any dork that thinks corduroy is formalwear. See my review.
3) LE PROVENCAL
Good buttery French food. They even have fake French waiters who are every bit as annoying as actual French waiters. Love the phony accent, Jacque Cousteau... now go get my steak, you frog.
4) LE VILLAGE BUFFET
This buffet is reasonably priced while being a notch under Wynn & Bellagio but the desserts here are spectacular as most people already know. In fact, half the people at the dessert bar eat so much here that it looks like they're only a 'parfait' way from growing a snout.
CONCLUSION
Come for the blackjack, stay for the Eiffel Tower Restaurant. Or maybe you can get a buffet comp & while you're there, annoy everyone eating by being as loud & annoying as they (and their kids) are but do it by perpetually talking like Pepe Le Pew during your visit. Then again, you probably don't want to stay too long...
...lest you grow a snout.
3-Stars.
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