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| - Being in the fortuitous position to still 'get' a Spring Break, and moreover, get PAID cash-money to sit on my happy ass whilst my pen-salesman-esque friends do important things in their offices, like make fake Wiki entries of their co-workers and cruise just barely SFW sites, i decided to buck my usual trend of waiting for something magnificent on the toob like Gailic Rules Football on Setanta or maybe even a little afternoon "drinking game Family Feud" and treck on over to Phoenix's most alluring dromedary.
Fuck me. It was harder than I ever thought. Those Bic bitches that are my friends apparently scale this shit like Doctor Octopus in their free time after work, and here I am with my seldom-used Nalgene bottle pushing my 190 pound frame up a very large vertical fucking rock like a goddam broken-legged donkey. My unfairly fit girlfriend is doing cartwheels and all kinds of shit up the mountain and I'm waving her ahead, bound to my ship like Captain Smith on the sinking Titanic; "Go ahead ... can't move ... leave me here ... go ... dying."
Of course, after countless pre-teens and lawyer types with their kerchiefed labradors bounce right by me, I decide to pulley myself up using a carefully constructed mechanism that included my camera-string, a small boulder, and the aforementioned Nalgene bottle loop. I navigate most of the way up, i think, before my better half comes waving down the mountain. All hope for an Everest-like heroic push gone, I make my way back down again, promising to make up for my misgivings at Happy Hour, which I do.
My epic failure to summit, what amounts to a boulder in the hiking world, has led me to curse Camelback from my balcony vantagepoint, mocking me in the smoggy distance like Moby Dick to my Ishmael.
Still, it was pretty cool and can't wait to go back!
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