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  • "A smooch Berry Sexy with lychee nunu please!" Did that sound as if I am a weirdo? Well, welcome to Boba Tea, where you can sound like a toddler on a sugar rush while ordering diabetes in a cup. I like my bubble tea plain and cold, with syrup filled bubbles and names like "medium watermelon tea with strawberry bubbles". What I got was, and even writing that hurts my adult brain, a "kiss Blush with gobi strawberry". My husband almost couldn't order because he was busy shaking his head snorting at the stupid names. All that stuff might be "like tooootally cute" for teenage girls that giggle about drink names like "Fetish" for half an hour before and after ordering, but as an adult with a normal functioning brain you just feel completely idiotic ordering in baby terms. My husband jokingly asked if he can't just say "medium Blush" but the cashier said in a sour way that he coooould but "it's a kiss Blush" and "that is cute". Well excusez moi for trying to not sound like having Hello Kitty as my spirit animal. Anyway, we got our kiss Blush and smooch Fetish with gobi and nunu and whatnot and it was not worth it. Both were overly sweet and tasted so artificial that I felt sick after a few sips. My strawberry bubbles, excuse me, I mean my "gobi" were the only tasty thing but trying to catch one without gulping down that awful fake flavored "tea" was impossible. I know that neither bubbles nor gobi nor pink bunny blobs or whatever you want to call them taste like real fruit, but the syrup taste plus the horrible tea taste was like drinking a highly concentrated concoction of Twizzlers and Jolly Ranchers melted in old Gatorade. All that fun and cancer came for a price of over $5 by the way - per drink. I will never be back and I might need therapy to get the words "smooch Fetish with nunu" out of my head.
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