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  • The story of CAMELTOE MOUNTAIN Hahahaha Camelback mountain.. Have I heard the stories over the years. And watched them live on TV. Deaths (especially tourists from cool areas of the world), injuries, expensive rescues, hell I even hear all the time by locals that they need to ban hiking because it is a drain of resources to rescue dumb ass hikers. Even one day on the way to work I heard KUPD Morning DJ talking about how hard it is to hike this thing.. I always laughed my ass off and said what a bunch of pussies. I can imagine it being hard for some obese overweight person from Europe to hike in 115 degrees. But come on, how hard is it to hike in the Phoenix area within city limits. So finally after all the HYPE I loaded up the family and headed out to the Cholla trail. We picked this trail because of the smaller crowds.. First parking is a bitch. You have to park all the way out on 60 something street and hike to the fucking trailhead.. I felt like I was hiking through a rich area. Very expensive houses littered the streets. Younger people smelling of freshly sprayed sun tanned lotion whisked past. Guys wearing muscle shirts with BRO hats. And Chicks with such tight shorts they looked almost painted on.. hahahahaha Nice views I thought.. A couple times I thought they should rename this to CAMELTOE MOUNTAIN. So we finally get to the trail head. RIGHT DAB IN THE MIDDLE of a golf fairway.. hahahaha my suspicions about this place were correct. I even started to laugh.. So we began our ascent up CAMELTOE MOUNTAIN. And believe me I saw plenty of those as we were climbing. As you start climbing you will see a sign that said please lower your volume or only use earbuds to not impede of the enjoyment of others by blasting your loud ass obnoxious music.. hahaha at least that is the way I read it. No joke, the sign is real though. And all I thought while climbing the first half of the mountain was, they bitch about our music but all I hear is jack-hammering on new construction that is slowly eating away this mountain with new Donald TRUMP type of housing.. Boom boom boom. Bang bang bang, hammer hammer hammer, dat dat dat. All with a background of humming leaf blowers just blowing around dust on these million dollar mansions.. And some asshole really had the audacity to complain about headphones.. LMFAO Like we are in the serenity of the fucking Sierra Nevada mountains or some shit. Everywhere you look is fucking city and million dollar homes or resorts.. Hardly a nature forget it all hike. Anyway, enough ranting about that sign. Well here we are about a mile up and I really am not that impressed with this hike. Very rocky, sunny and not all that relaxing... But I couldn't help think how the hell do this many people get injured on this thing.. THEN BAM.. The final 1/4 mile.. The final 1/4 mile is straight up rocks where you have to use your hands and feet to crab walk or as the hikers call it SCRAMBLE up to the peak. I am not joking 1/4 mile of this and it is dangerous as hell. I immediately thought. This is how people die on this thing.. This is fucking crazy. We decided right there to throw in the towel. Much like Rocky should have done in Rocky 4. I didn't want me or Carlos Sr or the little one to suffer the fate as Apollo did. So we headed down. Halfway down my knees began to kill me.. I felt every hop jump and step. I cursed my vans shoes I was wearing.. I just wanted it to end.. Finally we got back to the car and I couldn't drive fast enough to the nearest place I could buy an ice cold drink.. Have fun on Cameltoe mountain. You have been warned... LOL
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