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| - This is like a fun person's Toys R' Us.
I drink a lot of Tequila in the sense that I will capitalize it just so that I can make it sound far more distinguished than what it actually is. It's Vodka of Mexicans. I capitalized Vodka, because Vodka is the Rum of Russians. I also capitalize Rum, because it's the wine of Pirates. Wine, being Fren...Ital...Argen...wine is too much of a harlot to actually pick a region. No capital. I digress. But as a prevalent Tequila drinker, I can attest to this store constantly having fun, up to date, and quality Tequila and Mezcals.
They have such a legit selection of Tequila and Mezcals, that I can't help be a glutton for pain when I see uncultured degenerates reaching for Jose Cuervo and Patron. I gotta' say something. I gotta' help. It's like seeing someone roofie a drink. It is your moral obligation to go over there, let that person know that the creep they are with is trying to roofie them, and then hope that you just built up enough brownie points to go home with them and bang. There are so many other better tasting and higher quality products for equivalent prices, which the staff at Total Wine will totally help you with. You just have to pry one of them away from the beer, wine, and bourbon sections cuz' any customer that hangs out in the Tequila section is a waiting deaf ear ready to kick a solid word of advice right into the dirt.
I learned this the hard way by explaining to some loser with a billion questions about Tequila. Shouldn't have opened my mouth, but it was nice to talk about something of interest and to try and guide this person toward an enhanced buzz. Talked regions, soil compositions, aging processes, barreling options, harvesting methods, how to sip it - you name it. And he went with one of my suggestions even. I felt like a legit salesperson. Ya'll hiring, Total Wine? Ya'll get commission? My aspirations of being a top liquor rep vanished as quickly as it had formed. Dude said thank you, picked up the bottle, and decided to give me a little advice of his own. Apparently the best way to enjoy it, is to mix it with Squirt. Oh, yeah? Is it? Eat my di-
Anyways, Rey at this location really knows his stuff. Walked us through a few samples of really niche and interesting Vodkas and Rums. Introduced me to my new favorite rum, Kaniche. Thanks bruh. Stay out of the Tequila isle. There's no saving it.
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