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| - Woah, UBER FAIL.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I was contacted by Salty management in response to my less than favorable review of their Old Town location. I was offered a gift card as an "I'm sorry, try us again" ploy in exchange for more detailed information on my shitty experience. Ok, sure, I like free stuff, send it. Plus, it sounded like they were making changes and attempting to improve things there, so I didn't mind giving it another shot. FOUR months later, I receive the $50 gift card. Right away I was disappointed that the gift card was supposedly only good at the North Scottsdale location, 32miles each way from my house. Whatever, 3 gallons of gas round-trip (approx $6.00), why not.
First things first (and I like to start on a good note before the bloodshed) their wait-staff is fairly attractive, nice sort of emo-slut look... easy on the eyes. Our waitress was pretty cute, friendly, bra exposed... nice. Their $8.50 "Monthly Special Margarita" was actually very tasty and poured very well. Not too sweet and very strong. If this was the only place in town to get a good margarita, that would be one thing.... but it's not.
Now let it rain blood.
The lighting in this place was the first fail of the night... we had to move from our first booth because we both felt we were sitting under a spotlight. Our second booth (a round one) was a little better since we weren't under a spotlight, but the lighting cast a shadow on our table (shadow caused by my body) so that I had to move my body to the right and hold the menu to the left of me to read anything. So annoying. FAIL.
We ordered their $1.95 Unlimited Chips and Salsa. The chips were soaked in oil and the bottom 3/4 of the basket was un-edible because they were crumbs! Wait, did a "Mexican" place just charge me $1.95 for shitty chips and "ok" salsa? Yup, they did. FAIL.
I ordered the Fajitas, half steak half chicken with corn tortillas. The Fajitas were made in this tomato sauce, which at first I wasn't too thrilled about, but in all honesty, I'm super glad they did because if it wasn't for the tomato sauce, the dish would have had 0 taste. The meats had no seasoning on them and tasted completely bland. I actually considered using salt (I NEVER use salt, even at home, unless it's popcorn) to give it some amount of taste. Thank god for the tomato sauce. The corn tortillas can only be described as disgusting. I was only given three tiny corn tortillas but only ate two of them. I can't really describe what's wrong with them, but they are foul. The Fajitas came with a plate of cheese, rice, sour cream, and shredded romaine lettuce (yeah). The only thing on the accompanied plate I ate was the rice and it was COLD! Not warm, not luke warm, COLD! My dining partner's rice was cold also. WTF? Needless to say, the cold rice was the best part of the meal, seriously. F A I L.
My dining partner ordered this Chipotle Chicken Burrito which, believe it or not, lacked taste and was bland. Yes, BLAND!!! How is it possible that a burrito covered in cheese, injected with a Chipotle sauce is bland? No clue, but these clowns pulled it off. Unbelievable. F A I L.
Our bill came, $45.32.. I figured, "great, $50 on the gift card, $5 out of pocket, she gets a $10 tip, and I never have to think about this place again". Wrong. They wouldn't let us put the tip on the gift card, so I ended up with $5 left on the card and had to pay $10 out of pocket. So $10 out of pocket + $6 to get there, I paid $16 bucks and 2 hours of my life to eat an incredibly SHITTY meal. In retrospect I wish they never sent me the gift card and I had stayed home and ate left overs instead, spending the $16 on a bottle of Vodka and a can of Soda Water. I don't even really understand, their food got WORSE!!! Why would you send gift cards, encourage people to try your place again and actually make your food worse? Am I in bizzaro world here? Aren't you supposed to IMPROVE the food? "Mexican" food is the easiest food in the world to make "decent", hell even [fill in blank]-abertos is better, Macayo's, Serrano's, El Torrito, you name it, it's better (even the Clarendon's now defunct Mexican spot was better). I have to figure the ONLY reason people come here is for the patio and to drink. But still... there are plenty of places to drink, why support such a lousy place? Perhaps they rely on their patrons to either be drunk when they eat so they don't notice, or so drunk afterward they forget.
U B E R F A I L ! !
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