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  • Quick preface: Anyone who rates this buffet above "negative eleventy-billion" either was smashing drunk at the time or eats through a tube. This is the worst food I've ever had in my life. I've eaten at a lot of shitty restaurants, had tremendously ill-advised home cooking, and back in college, eaten things from the fridge that had their own ecosystem. The buffet at the Sahara is the culinary equivalent of being cockpunched. If you don't have a cock, just punch yourself in the uterus; that'll do. Despite it being a multi-national buffet with over *two dozen* entrees, there was nothing actually edible, save for the three-bean salad which was likely pre-made. Let's go down the things that were wrong, shall we? - Champagne for the champagne brunch is served from a Miller Lite beer cart in the corner. In plastic 4-ounce cups. - Cheese blintz: Dried out to the point of being crispy. Filled with cottage cheese. GROSS. - Sausages: Squirted grease at me like an angry sea creature, then exploded into a grey powdery substance. - Scrambled eggs were unnaturally voluminous, like a bright yellow angel food cake. I think they jiggled at me. - Bacon was a sad pile of fat strips with meat bits. - Roasted meats: They looked okay, but I stood at the station for 5 minutes without being helped; the only person back there was the egg station attendant. - Belgian waffle? More like Barfy ROFL. Chewy in all the wrong places. - Every single thing at the Chinese food station was affront to humanity. Wonton soup was like alien eggs in seawater. Sweet and sour pork tasted like cleaning solution. Naturally, the management refused to give us a refund because we'd been there longer than 15 minutes. Heaven forbid we spend some time to talk to our fucking friends who got married at this hellhole. $14.99 per person down the drain. If you're savvy enough to Yelp, you shouldn't even be within spitting distance of the Sahara, much less IN it. Why are you reading this? Go down the street and eat an omelette at Bouchon, or a croissant at Jean-Philippe, and do the real eating someplace where they don't try to poison you.
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