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| - I went here with my friend Abram today to try out their Saturday all-you-can-eat buffet, which is held from 11:00 am to 2:00 pm. (Reservations are not required.)
First impressions: we were seated in the western-facing pièce à côté. We both immediately noticed a slightly off-putting musty smell in that area of the restaurant. We were left to wonder if we had been relegated to the stinky room for some reason beyond our knowledge.
Our waiter offered us drinks and invited us to help ourselves to the buffet. We started with the salad which was uniquely unoffensive. Just like a normal salad bar. One strike against the salad bar, though, was that the dressing situation left much to be desired; there was no blue cheese dressing to be found. I ended up using oil and vinegar and Abram used ranch. So far, okay.
However, when we approached the pizza buffet, we found cause for concern. One thing that struck me as being suspicious was that none of the pizzas were missing any slices. However, isn't this logically impossible? Do the patrons all take whole pizzas? Or does the staff replace the slices one at a time? How do you figure out which is the old slice, and which is the fresh slice? Later I observed staff replacing a full meat lover's pizza with a newer meat lover's pizza. Apparently, absent my and Abram's pizza consumption, this buffet would just have been full pizzas being replaced by other full pizzas, periodically throughout the afternoon.
The pizza, itself, was pretty groty. It didn't really taste like Pizza Hut pizza. Instead, it tasted more like a shittier version of something you would buy at Copp's that was like a frozen pizza in a Pizza Hut-branded box. Something we noticed was that all of the crusts had been brushed with a groty fake garlic butter sauce. I call it "the grote coat." I opted not to eat any of my pizza crusts. Abram noticed that some of the older pepperoni slices had particularly arid, crunchy pepperoni on them. It also bears noting that the buffet featured the ghastly, unholy phenomenon of the taco pizza, which clearly had been sitting there for hours, untouched by any patrons.
However, none of this offended Abram as much as the appearance of the mutant dessert-pizzas on the buffet. At the end of the buffet were several sugary items meant to be consumed at the end of the meal as a sick sort of dessert-substitute. Abram was particularly displeased by the cherry strudel-like pizza dish they served. I, myself, partook of only one cinnamon stick. It was like a normal Pizza Hut breadstick, except it didn't have the garlic and Parmesan stuff, and instead it was covered in what appeared like a creamy, sugary jizz.
The place was well-staffed with pleasant-natured people. They checked in on us periodically, but Abram noticed that they never asked us how the food was; instead repeatedly inquired whether we were ok. As though they were mainly concerned for our well-being.
All-in-all, I had four pieces of pizza and Abram had five. When we returned to Abram's place, he felt as though he needed to take a walk to burn off all of the dirty, gross calories he had at Pizza Hut, but was afraid if he went for a walk, he might have an accident. Instead, we stayed in and made a spreadsheet of Madison bar drink specials, and Abram had to use the bathroom three times.
We are giving this place two stars because, in Abram's words, "It was cheap; and it was close; and we should have known better."
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