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| - If you're a member of Toronto's Jewish community, walking into United Bakers for weekend brunch is like walking into an episode of "this is your life". The restaurant is dotted with community mainstays, friends from high school or camp, and relatives you'd just rather avoid. Sandwiched tightly in green plastic booths, this is not a place where you can expect to have a private, quiet conversation. In fact, between the bustling bakery up front, and the servers trained by Oscar the Grouch, you can't really expect a quiet anything.
But that's part of United's charm. United Bakers is a Dairy restaurant-the lactose-friendly answer to the old school Delicatessen. Out of respect for Jewish dietary laws, United's menu is limited to dairy, egg and fish-based meals. A polite notice on the website and menu requests that customers refrain from bringing meat on the premises. So if you're expecting bacon and eggs, you're out of luck. Don't worry-you won't miss the bacon.
Ordering brunch presents a series of challenges. Egg platters are fine, but omelettes are more interesting. A mushroom version arrives with plenty of thinly-sliced fungi, while good cheddar leaks through the side of a cheese version. Lox, eggs and onions sees properly caramelized onions and chunks of fresh smoked salmon. It doesn't smell fishy, and the lox retains some of it's silky texture since it's not overcooked. Sides include salad, tomato and cukes (the former still winter-mealy, the latter firm and crisp), and what may be the best undiscovered french fries in Toronto. I suspect they're frozen, but they are consistently crispy and golden outside, and fluffy inside. You also get a choice of bread or bagel. As I always say, GO BAGEL OR GO HOME.
Lunch and dinner work best when you stick to the basics. Pastas and fish are OK, but most tables opt for a soup and a scoop. United's pea soup deserves it's reputation. Melty peas, chunky veg and the occasional noodle warm the soul. It's a richly flavored soup and a closely guarded secret recipe. I suspect the secret involves a veggie boullion cube, but it works. Bagel platters and sandwiches find their way to most tables along with plates of those fries. The tuna melt stands out. Piping hot atop a massive twister bagel, it could be shared between two people, along with a cup of that soup. Greek salad deviates from the Platonic ideal, with iceberg lettuce and hardboiled egg but then, it's all buried under so much deliciously creamy feta cheese you probably won't notice.
Coffee is fine when it's fresh, barely drinkable when it's not. I try to time refill requests for when they brew a fresh pot. I'd ask politely if they'd put a new one on, but value the security of my person.
It's a bakery, so the best desserts are whatever's fresh. I have a soft spot for the Dobush cake (dry sponge with light-chocolate frosting, enrobed in crackling dark chocolate) and the Apple Bowl (a hot, whole apple wrapped in puff pastry).
United closes at 9 on weekends, but it's best not to tempt fate. A late night coffee and pastry stop sees our waitress ask repeatedly if she can pack our stale cinnamon buns to go. In another joint, I'd walk out and not return. Here, abuse is part of the fun.
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