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| - Forgive me but I'm in sales & after more than 15 yrs of playing chaperone to customers & friends at these joints...
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SIMPLE GUIDELINES FOR A 5-STAR VISIT TO THE RHINO:
RULE #1: You will NOT pay for the cab ride to the club.
And you won't call the club limo either, otherwise you'll be waiting for an hour. See my review on Checker Cab for how to wrangle a free cab to the club. http://www.yelp.com/biz/checker-cab-co-las-vegas#hrid:kQxPgIbCxjvXnbGI1pEIHA
RULE #2: You will dress intelligently.
- No white. You'll look like a biological stain under the blacklighting.
- No company logo-ed shirts. I don't think your company will appreciate the advertising.
- No cloth coats. It'll be infused w/ smoke & useless for business meetings tomorrow.
- No cameras. "What happens in club, stays in the club."
- Bring your ID. Don't be the jackass w/out ID that I have to babysit because you got stuck at the door.
RULE #3: You will go into the club knowing where your money goes.
Ladies will try to convince you to drop another $100 because they're 'struggling to pay the house fees'. Despite the fact that this shouldn't matter to you, here's what I understand:
-- Dancers make anywhere from $300-$2500 a night.
-- If they're new they need to buy a $250 dancer's license from the State of Nevada.
-- At the end of the night, each girl has to 'tipout' or pay cash to the club for their opportunity to dance on the premises (aka house fees) equaling ~$150 to the mgmt, ~$50 tribute to the DJ (to 'misplace' their name on the 'list' i.e keep them off the stage), and usually some $$$ to the bouncers. There's an extra $10-$20 tip that goes to the VIP Doorman for each 'customer visit' to VIP.
-- VIP sideroom is $100 min - 3 songs. VIP Champagne room is $200 - 5 songs. Celebrity Room is $400 + Bottle Service. This brings us to one of our most important rules...
RULE #4: You will NOT go into the "VIP rooms".
You're already a sucker for coming here - why make it any worse? The VIP room is a contract that you're going to pay for a minimum number of dances - there is no upside to this. Contrary to the booze talking, you aren't going to get anywhere in there. Anything you've heard are lies. You'd be better off paying for 3 songs on the floor & buying a dancer 4 shots of Patron @ $10 each.
RULE #5: You will NOT use the club ATM.
No credit cards either. Bring your own cash. As with all clubs, the ATM has a club vig of 10% on whatever it is you're withdrawing, not to mention being the "podium of shame" that you'll find yourself at while "Sapphire" stands there as you withdraw your frickin' 401k. Having to go to the ATM is the Lord's way of saying, "You've gone way overboard, son."
RULE #6: You will NOT spend more than $100.
Any more & it probably could have really been better spent. And for gotsakes, don't try to expense this.
RULE #7: You do NOT buy the dancers drinks.
(Sorry girls.) The ladies have to sell 1 drink per hour "for themselves" at $12-$15/each. This is how the club makes money. They aren't usually interested in getting drunk; selling drinks is part of their job. You need to grab your balls, look the waitress straight in the eye, and say, "NO, THANK YOU." You'll undoubtedly convince yourself however that the dancers "are friendly & really do want to get drunk. This leads into...
RULE #8: You will NOT be fooled by virgin drink codenames.
If you're still dumb enough to buy a drink for a dancer 'cause you think "she's cool & wants to party", listen for the following terms: "Rum & Coke Lite" = Coke only. "Slipknot & Cranberry" = Cranberry Juice. "Screwdriver Fresh" = Orange juice. All cost $14. Get the picture?
RULE #9: You will ALWAYS ask 'how much' before the dance.
I'm responsible for you so don't get taken. Ask immediately & show you've got a pair. Some girls charge $30. Others $20 or $40. If they tell you anything other than $20, cock your eyebrow & reply, "Okay then. One dance only." You may find that this suddenly changes the price to $20. This goes to motivation since they just want 1 guy for an extended period - 1 dance here & there isn't how they're going to make the house fee.
RULE #10: You will NEVER stiff a dancer.
Don't make me have to pay for you. If there's a possibility you might do this, read "Stripped" by Brent Kenton Jordan - the biography of a Vegas club bouncer. Here's the short version for you degenerates: Club wins - you lose. Or club loses - you really lose.
RULE #11: You will tip security $20 for 2 open seats.
Save yourself & your pal the time of finding a chair. Bouncers make money too off of finding "VIPs" seating in the club. This $20 grease suddenly makes you a VIP & is worth dropping if it keeps you from having to wander the club aimlessly looking for some group to get out of their chairs.
CONCLUSION
If you follow these simple rules?
5-stars.
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