| rev:text
| - "The stairs creak as I sleep, it's keeping me awake
"It's the house telling you to close your eyes"
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Quick Review
+ Grandview has beds with sheets. We're finally made it to The Big Time, ma'!
- Those sheets have what I presume is human blood on them. Not sure why Bloodsport moved from the Far East to a suite in Las Vegas, however ... (I digress.)
+ Grandview sends a housecleaning professional to tidy up once in an one-week stay. Change my surname to Rockefeller at this juncture. Woo!
- That housecleaning personnel is so diligent and dutiful: they would say fuck the Do Not Disturb sign and disturb anyway to ensure one has TP. Sheets still bloody though and no one is at random bleeding through the night.
+ Grandview has the internets! Tubes and shit like that Alaskan Senator [R] taught us all about. Series of tubes ....
- That internet connection tube is so slow (probably clogged with all the cat videos you've been watching), it reminds me of 1999 and Alley Baggett. Y2K is definitely a real threat!
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Let me take you on this journey. It involves a locomotive -- or the equivalent in dB -- in the suite every time someone uses what I presume is the jacuzzi next door (or upstairs, or in an adjacent building, or on the block, or in SW Las Vegas, NV, U.S.A.). There is mammal blood, possibly human. There is practically no internet connection* to be able to look that up, you know.
*One pays 25$ resort fee for that privilege, by the way.
Let me be clear: I have stayed in hostels. Never experienced blood on the sheets at any one of those. That may have something to do with no prostitutes being allowed to be brought in as guests, but I digress again.
I took and uploaded a picture. It is not a droplet that gravity brought down from a nosebleed.
My handset's hotspot is significantly, significantly, significantly faster than the resort's WiFi. I've never seen anything like it. It's slower than that available at an arena with 40,000 event-goers, It's truly unbelievable. I took a screenshot and will upload that gem as well.
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Perhaps you think I am whining way too much. Dude, why do you need internet (forget that I paid 25$ compulsory fee for it)? Dude, why do you need sheets without blood? Is a lil' blood going to kill you? (Actually, it might.) Alright. What about this:
When the neighbour -- or someone somewhere -- turned on something, it became so noisy in the bedroom, I thought an aeroplane was assembled next door and had engines running in the middle of the night. And then -- this probably has nothing to do with the Grandview but more the asshole upstairs one night -- there was the lady (or man [who knows?]) in pumps walking around in the middle of the night and causing that unmistakable eye-piercing to reverberate though the bedroom while I was trying to fucking sleep. Goddamnit! (Someone turn on the engines/turbines/whatever.)
Still not impressed? I am not impressing upon you the overall experience? Fine.
There is security everywhere. Everywhere. I thought I was in the Green Zone in Central Asia/the Middle East. Except, I don't know what they do. No one knows what they do. I don't think they know what they do.
During rodeo week: cowboys were everywhere. Everywhere. About a hundred (or more) cowboys to each security person. These odds are worse than those in the penitentiary. You probably can figure out what transpires.
The fucking cowboys cannot be contained. They lasso other people's vehicles. WTF. WTF is wrong with these idiots? I suppose that for Connor McGregor fights -- once they move to stadiums or the LVA -- the Irish will take over these buildings and they'll have to call the National Guard. What's the point of all this security if they are not going to secure?
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Pro Tip: Bring your own hotspot if you want to get on the world wide web at anytime during your stay. Or, head a couple of kilometres north to the Enterprise Library where the WiFi actually works.
Pro Tip: Parking is scarce. The garage is good for a couple of buildings; however, you're better off just parking on the street along Jo Rae or Le Baron. Shorter walk and you will not have to deal with the horrifically snail's pace congestion that forms within the private drives of the Grandview.
Pro Tip: Send me a message or compliment if you ever find HBO on the televisions. I know I paid for it because it is touted as an amenity of the mandatory resort fee: however, I did not have them on my set. And television in the living room was broken. Damn kids and their stupid Wii® controllers.
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Rating: Two-stars, "Meh. I've experienced better." (5000 characters.)
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