An open letter to the janitor in my building:
Dear Janitor,
I am so so so very sorry for what I did immediately after you cleaned up the restroom today. That was messed up. If I had known the tuna I ate at this restaurant last night was going to make my butt explode like ACME 5 ton roadrunner stopping dynamite, I would have not eaten it. I'm sorry and I owe you something for this atrocity against you and your family.
At least the server was cute and nice.
Regards.