| rev:text
| - "In the villa of Ormen, in the villa of Ormen
"Stands a solitary candle, ah-ah, ah-ah"
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In A Sentence
Cheaper than a Redbox®, a Netflix® subscription, or a taco: what more can one ask for?
Quick Review
+ One dollar Tuesdays!
+ Limited, exclusive engagements of moving pictures not screening anywhere else in the state (Stanford Prison Experiment) or having been shown for a very abridged run (Amy).
+ Added entertainment from the other patrons who frequent this gem.
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You've got the "I knew it!" lady who can't ever seem to shut the fuck up, although she seems like a nice enough middle-aged Caucasian. In any case, she will let you know that she knew it! (Because she knew it, goddammit!)
You've got the nanny who brings all the children she is supposed to be watching at her home business ... or is a low income Mormon mother of six (lower than average for that demographic). (Is it necessary to have that many kids? It's 2016.)
Finally, you've got that candleholder. They bring that modern candle with them everywhere. It's in their pocket or purse. They pull it out because they are afraid of the dark. Fucking fucks. They must be day stockbrokers or something to find it requisite to check their handheld computer device so often. Maybe they constantly have eBay® auctions that they are trying to snipe from other competitors. (Or, maybe they are just assholes.)
So many characters. And all included for the amazing low price of admission of merely 2$, 1$ on Tuesdays!
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Perhaps you're jaded and feel that those type of characters are at every theatre these days. Oh yeah? You run into those at "Luxury" theatres. Okay. Ok.
You've got the photographer. Photographing the proverbial silver screen (with flash!) for no apparent reason besides ... I don't know ... let's hypothesize here. Maybe they hail from a region in the globe with no theatres and they want to record the memory of this extraordinary giant screen forever. Maybe they love Amy Schumer that much! (Who doesn't?) (Doug Stanhope [http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=kGbRvQ1iEQus_kJ_54RtZA] doesn't, that's who.)
You've got the landlord with his hundred keys ... which he rattles, naturally, during quiet moments in the moving picture. He must be falling asleep and shifting every so often to create such a racket with his fucking keys. (Or, it is all a ploy to draw a fight in the vein of Chuck P.'s Fight Club.)
You've got me. I sit through every last line of credit. Yeah. It is me that does that, young Tropicana Cinemas employee. I don't care. One doesn't get up and just leave in the theatre during the curtain call of a stageplay! Oh, what's that ... 'but this is not the same; it's a recording, dumbass?' Well, it isn't the same. But it is still art and I want to know who created it. It's called showing respect!
I suppose we are all guilty of being characters.
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'Get to reviewing the actual theatre, you long-winded fuck!'
Relax bruv.
Pro Tip:
Bring cash. Cash only. No one cares about your black card or points so you can fly to Honolulu and be painfully tacky with your ugly shirt. YMMV.
Auditorium #1: new seats, bizarre platform at entrance.
Auditorium #2: ibid.
Auditorium #3: never been in there.
Pro Tip:
They might be running a Sociology study in the male restroom. There is always a broken urinal which changes according to where they (researchers) want to direct pissers. Highly unlikely scenario but one has to somehow explain the broken urinals.
Auditorium #4: new seats.
Auditorium #5: old, original (possibly c.1922) seats, perplexing custodial/firefighting tools -- garbage receptacles, tall aluminum ladder, et. cetera -- stored in empty open area between sets of double doors.
Auditorium #6: ibid.
Pro Tip:
There is a Regency® Rewards Program but I don't think it works and the cashier has to type out the seemingly sixty-five tiny numbers each time. YMMV.
Tourists
No tourists here. None. Zero.
Kids
Not good for kids; however, parents/nannies/kidnappers still bring them.
Dogs
Not allowed, unless service animals.
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Rating: Three-stars, "A-OK."
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