| rev:text
| - This is a MUST-SEE place for horror fans from around the world, but get here fast because I'll be surprised if it stays open for more than a year. The actual haunted maze is beautiful once you get inside, however there are several factors that make this place a real nightmare to deal with.
First - The Price. We bought our VIP tickets online for $60 a piece. $120 for a 15 minute horror maze is too much, unless one of the chicks inside is giving out bloody old fashioneds. The decor is all top notch, but service sucks. Upon arrival we were told to stand in one line, we waited 30 minutes for our VIP access while we watched the regular line moving quickly. After the maze you are kicked out into the Baby Doll Lounge for which there was supposed to be a cover...that's why we paid the extra $$$ but I didn't see anybody paying shit to get in there, so why did we pay then? Makes no sense.
Second - The Staff at the Baby Doll Lounge. We were greatest pleasantly by a cute waitress in a doll themed costume - personally I think she should have been a little bloodier- never offered us a drink menu, which we saw other guests being handed. The place was empty. The view of the strip is awesome, but the whole bar is exposed to the outside along one wall, so it will be interesting to see how it does once the wind and rain hit in the winter. Took us over 20 minutes to get our first round of drinks. The decor is cool, but nowhere near the level of downstairs. Needs more gore, blood, bones to make it more special. The website and everything I've read says there were supposed to be zombie go-go dancers there but we never saw any. Kind of disappointing as I really have a dead chick fetish. We sipped our drinks but after 30 minutes our waitress never returned, other guests around us were bitching about service, so we went to the bar to close our tab and leave. Apparently, according to the staff, a new POS system had been installed but none of the servers could access it, so ordering and paying became a horrific scenario.
Third - VIP Experience = Bullshit. We're kitschy people and love having those souvenir photos taken, and we would have dropped the cash for one in a second had we know they even offered this here. From what we can tell if you get in the regular line you get your photo take in front of some red drapes with a scary little person...we had no idea this opportunity even existed until we were leaving and saw the screens by the gift shop, which leads me to the final disappointment...
Four - The Gift Shop. All the hype said this was going to be the ultimate gift shop for horror fans. I've been reading Fangoria since issue #3 and Rue Morgue since issue #2...I'm an award winning filmmaker and a horror novelist. I eat, drink, sleep, breath, and shit HORROR. My dick was hard for what the potential slew of merch that awaited me. Now the decor on the shop is wicked, but the shop itself is just a few piles of t-shirts and hoodies with the Goretorium logo. There were a few keychain a scattered about, some shot glasses, one set of shelves filled with dusty Living Dead Dolls, a few books laid on a cart and a few bloody body parts at the register. Rather disappointing if you ask me. Whoever is stocking this place needs to do some research. If you are truly building a world wide destination for horror fans then put some shit in here we really want. Maybe some autographed Eli Roth stuff, maybe some really high end shit like Goretorium scenes reenacted with dead mice like the chick from Oddities: San Francisco makes, maybe let me buy that headless torso with the great set of tits on it, maybe signed 1st edition horror books, bloody & sexy Baby Doll lounge stuff for our women to wear, maybe Goretorium condoms with packaging that says "You're Fucked"...are you seeing what I'm saying? Every horror fan has their black shirts that we wear to our horror conventions with pride - but give us that crazy knickknack shit those vendors sell that makes us wish we had robbed an armored truck before we got there.
Deep in my heart I WANT this place to KICK ASS. I realize that there are some business dealings on the backend and some investments need to be recouped, but I also know without a doubt that unless some shit changes soon that the Bubba Gumps moving in next to you is going to be staring at a vacant storefront next year.
Mr. Eli Roth and all the management behind the Goretorium, please prove me the fuck wrong and make me eat my filthy words covered in maggot-strewn filth. But please just don't take my words in vain and think I'm the only severed dick spewing my infectious seed. Read the other reviews around here and learn from your mistakes. Isn't that always the #1 lesson in any good horror film?
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)
![[cxml]](/fct/images/cxml_doc.png)
![[csv]](/fct/images/csv_doc.png)
![[text]](/fct/images/ntriples_doc.png)
![[turtle]](/fct/images/n3turtle_doc.png)
![[ld+json]](/fct/images/jsonld_doc.png)
![[rdf+json]](/fct/images/json_doc.png)
![[rdf+xml]](/fct/images/xml_doc.png)
![[atom+xml]](/fct/images/atom_doc.png)
![[html]](/fct/images/html_doc.png)