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  • Poker night, need pizza. Pick up phone, call pizza 73. Call is redirected to somewhere in the middle east. "Susan", whose real name I'm sure pushes 15 syllables, tries to take my order. Confusion abounds - I can barely make out what she's saying. Ask her to speak up. Now have disgruntled pizza lady yelling in my ear. Calm down, pizza lady. Yes, I'll have the mild sauce. Yes, I'll take the whole wheat crust (BIG MISTAKE!). Yes, I'll pay with "WEESA". Yes. Yes. Okay. Yes. Stop yelling. Hang up. Strange that pizza lady has two volumes: Screaming, and whispering. Wait way-too-long. Hungry. Hungrier. Hungriest. Debate eating poker chips. Resist. Pizzas arrive - Pizza man is only reason this place gets 2 stars and not 1. My outside light doesn't work. He romantically says, "No problem, there's a big, beautiful moon up there." Poetic. Deserves better job than pizza man. Poet Laureate? Takes off in his crappy car, never to cross paths again. Wish him well. Hope he's happy out there. Delivery man and phone lady should switch jobs. Bring the pizza inside. Not very hot. Worst of all: whole wheat crust. Taste and consistency resembles cardboard box. Overused analogy, but now I understand why. Flavorless. Bland. Brown. Sad. Mediocre pizza at best. Eat it because super hungry. Not even good enough to save the leftovers for lunch the next day. Travesty. Kids in Africa probably would have loved that pizza. Regret it, but only because of fictional 3rd-world children staring longingly at my discarded cardboard crusts. Won't be fooled by their 2 - for - 1 deal again. Don't get whole wheat crust. You'll regret it.
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