| rev:text
| - The main ingredient is corn syrup. Allow me to explain -- my family and I visited this place about one hour ago. I was pretty excited, because apparently they produce something edible here on occasion, which is good because restaurants usually do that...right? Anyway, I was under the impression that it would be something that resembled New England/New York style Chinese food. Hah, nope. Well, we sat down, and after about 5 minutes or so the waitress passes out our menus. So far, so good. Takes about 10 minutes for her to come back to ask us what we'd like to eat. Also not bad, it's pretty busy for a Monday and we assume she's the only one working the front at this point, so there's no problem. 20 minutes later, after everyone else in the restaurant except us was served (that includes people that arrived well after us, with similarly sized orders, to boot) the waitress hands out the appetizer, chicken wings. They were reportedly quite good, but the complete dearth of drumsticks meant that we weren't exactly getting our money's worth. 20 minutes LATER, the actual food arrives, and by this point I'm wondering what the hell is going on. This is a Chinese restaurant, right? Call this stereotypical, but aren't Chinese restaurants supposed to have eerily quick turnaround times for their food? I thought to myself, "This is a friggin' paradox, a SLOW Chinese place?" So while I was happily engaged looking for a rip in the space time continuum (didn't find it, it's probably out back by the dumpster) my rations arrive. I ordered Szechuan Beef, my folks ordered shrimp and lobster sauce, Szechuan chicken, and what appeared to be donut holes with chicken in them. I'm so hungry at this point that the UN is unloading pallets of emergency food aid into the parking lot, so I dig in expecting -- sugar? I take another bite. The sauce is SATURATED in a thick, syrupy, gloppy mixture of what is probably laundry starch and corn syrup mixed with a dash of soy sauce. It was so sweet it was unreal. Everyone else at the table was complaining about it in short order, and my granddad can't taste the lobster sauce. So looking down at my weirdly meaty dessert , it hits me: Oh yeah, I'm on a diet. So even if I enjoyed drinking straight corn syrup (as opposed to gay corn syrup, which is FABULOUS), this stuff was entirely off limits for me. Now I'm getting a bit pissed, and decide, after a bit of cajoling, to order some teriyaki beef, turning over the possibilities in my mind and wondering, "How do you mess up beef on a stick?" WELL BY GOD THEY PERSEVERED, AND LO, I BEHELD BEFORE MY VERY EYES: A candy coated strip of shoe leather. Pretty good for leather, but masquerading as beef is a bit harder. Well played, Great Wall. Oh, yeah, it took them another 20 minutes to get us the check once we were "done" (which mostly involved me staring at my plate looking forlorn and slightly constipated), but by that point I just didn't care.
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