| rev:text
| - From early on in the day, I had it planned out that this was the bar that I was going to come to. It's a nice ride from my house to here, right along the Green Belt. I was pretty stoked to try it out because I'd passed by it a million times but had never been inside. My girlfriend said that she'd been inside before and thought it weird and depressing and wasn't sold on it, but finally I was like, "C'mooooon..." and she gave in.
Fuck my ass, she was right. I kind of wish I'd listened, but I'm also sort of weirdly glad that I did end up going because now my curiosity is sated. When we came in, we grabbed a seat and the waitress asked us what we'd like to drink and we weren't quite sure yet and asked to see a menu and to just have a couple waters for right now. Before we even got the waters, she asked me to start a tab with my card, which I thought was weird because, I don't know, what if I ended up not getting anything? She also asked me really shitty, too, like she had some weird (and incorrect) sixth sense that I was gonna rip her off. Oh, well.
So, we were chillin', my girlfriend and I, just waiting for her to come back to take our drink order and she just... she never came back. We saw her walking around and talking to other people and bringing them pitchers of beer but she, like, literally never came by to take our drink orders. I'm not sure how long I waited, but I smoked an entire cigarette and listened to an obnoxious and terrible Guns and Roses ballad that was particularly cocaine-inspired (and someone inside turned the goddamn volume up from a 3 to an 11), so maybe 11 minutes?
I ended up going inside--I really wanted a beer then and there--and taking my order from the bar. The bartender was busy and didn't get to me right away, but I understood. She looked very busy. I saw my waitress come inside and go behind the bar and I expected her to jump in for the bartender and be like, "Hey! What can I get you?" Instead, she spent something like a solid minute just drinking from a styrofoam soda cup. I had my wallet out as a signifier of "look! money!" but she just, uh... it was really weird. I looked right at her, and she at me and we made eye contact while she was sucking on the straw and it was a battle of wills. It was a staring contest. I finally broke away and lost because I felt weird.
The bartender came up to me and asked if she could get me anything. Two beers please! She helpfully told me that a small pitcher'd be cheaper and I get a little bit more. I told her I had a card on file and my waitress was like, "He's at [service industry code for a table I'm at that went over my head]. I'm helping him."
"Oh, you're helping him?" The bartender asked.
"Yeah," The waitress responded. She looked at me and back at the bartender and just shrugged her shoulders and motioned toward me. "I... I don't know." Like I'm the fucking asshole for waiting enough of a long goddamn time and getting the drinks my fucking self... well, not myself, but from the bartender. You know what I mean!
I will award this place two stars because I liked the bartender and because that was one of the most refreshing beers I've ever had. It will live long in my memory. When I'm old and senile and running around the yard like Willy Lohman, I will be recreating that beer in my mind. "Ah, delicious!" I'll say to no one. "What a beautiful day in Scottsdale!"
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