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  • I have to go IKEA? - shit.... Let me break it down for you. I love IKEA, I think they have a lot of great items, and are priced nicely. I also dig Scandinavian style, and profess a minimalist attitude towards all things. So I get it, IKEA is cool for the most part, and I have a lot of stuff from this mega-store. What I don't like about IKEA is their physical store setup. I hate being forced into the "showroom" I don't want to walk Odin's path, or travel the way of the great Vikings Consumers of the past. I just want a curtain rod, and a curtain. THAT IS IT. After fighting my way through the hordes of people and peasants alike, I fought my way through to the "marketplace" checklist out....(written in blood on a dried deer skin.) 1. curtain rod. 2. curtain rod attachments for the wall 3. oh.... don't forget the curtain As I make my way past screaming kids, couples arguing over a Faux-Painting, and through the warehouse full of prefabricated, assemble required, plan about 4 hours on a Saturday to complete, furniture.I go to self checkout...Yes I am Free!! (1.5 hours later) I did it!!!!! I have my curtain I need. I will "install" this now as "hang" sounds gay. So I install my curtain I realize, "wow this helps to reduce the sun's infiltration into my soul, and think my other room would benefit from a curtain as well. This means (insert Darth Vader March music here) another trip to IKEA.... This time however, I have a plan. I will go through the checkout area, through the warehouse, and totally bypass the showroom. Fuck IKEA, I am not a lemming easily led through a retail smorgasbord. Even if they had aquavit and salmon gravlax waiting for me, I'd still go through the Swedish "backdoor" I make my way in and repeat the above 3 steps and I am out in 20 minutes. I have to say this must be some sort of world record. All in all, you can defeat IKEA, you just need to be sneaky and quick, you have to focus, and avoid any contact with people once in the store. Upon arriving home, I go to "install" this other curtain, and to really man-ify the situation, and to de-gay the whole weekend experience of shopping for "window trimmings" I put the Redsox game on, (they won in 13 innings) and make it as "tough" of experience as installing a curtain can be. Not that there is anything wrong with that....
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