| rev:text
| - I left the Phoenician a "5.0 star rating" back on 3/28/2007 - Today, I rate it a-OK. Yes, a drop from five stars down to 4 is huge when you actually go from seven (7) stars to "3.5". The good, the bad and the UGLY are here:
Don't. Believe. The. Five. Diamonds.
Remember in Oceans 11 where the gangster, Andy Garcia, would do ANYTHING for a 'Five Diamonds'?!? Well, I do not know who blew whom..., but this resort is far from tantalyzing luxury that I once knew in 2007. It is as-if they are just resting on that AAA accomodation. Hey, I know food trucks and hole-in-the-wall dumpling shops that got a Michelin star. True story: "Don't believe the Five Diamonds."
Reason #2 of 6 why its ONE STAR: The Sunday Buffet is just 20-some bucks.
I am all for a happy hour burger deal or a $5 poolside mocktail promo. But, Sunday is sacrosanct! We had to dine with stuff the cat dragged in. Picture 50 yo bald dudes in balck clubbing gear. And a leather hat. Either it was a nightclub promoters convention in town..., or the price point of 20-something is just too low.
Also, there was a creepy dude with an eagle or a hawk. He seemed to be like a Santa-Monica-beach-child-molester-who-uses-a-parrot to touch kids. EXCEPT IT WAS AN EFFEN HAWK. Whether he worked for the Starwood Hotel Group, I dunno
REASON #3 of 6 why its ONE STAR:
Play the game I call, "Where was the last SPG property X Phoenician employee, worked at." I ask you to play this because when basic hosting skills break down... I think
- You, the cruddy employee, worked at a Four Points
- You, the bad host, worked at en effen Marriott bushwood in upstate New York
Host staff seems to be recycled losers from Hotel Emergency. Always bracing for impact. Never empowered to make it right. My guess is that the hotel GM came strait from accounting because he turned around a S. American luxury collection hotel and now is here to make it rain TVPI, IRR and Internal Rate of Return. Hint: "Business models don't import well."
Reason #4 why its ONE STAR:
There used to be rising talent employed all over the hotel. Some bright eyed, bushy tailed front desk host that just graduated from NAU (Northern Arizona U has a great hotel restaurant mgmnt program). This fluffy worker would be hesitant, inexperienced, but fresh new and energetic and helpful. And nice. Not jaded.
I met a lot of front desk staff that seemed pretty belligerent about sticking to their 2pm late checkout even though 4pm for a Platinum SPG is pretty standard, especially if you did not upgrade me to a big boy suite.
Reason #5 why its ONE STAR away from a good review:
Fellow SPG platinum had this to say over at PreferredGuest dot com
My family and I have flown to Phoenix four times solely for the purpose of visiting this hotel. I can't believe I'm about to give it only a four-star review, but here I am, and this will probably be my last visit here for a while"
Reason #6 why its ONE STAR
My goodness, What Chinese Fire Drill Is This?!!? How many Chinese smokers can cram around the ash tray in front of the Ice Cream Shoppe. The second hand SMOKEY air blows right into the shoppe that doubles as a decent coffee joynt in the morning.
What is worse is that i am Chinese and it just feels like white people do not stay at this hotel. It is SO ASIAN! Ni hao ma, not-so-much. And please move the smoking lounge so that the front lobby is not looking into Chinatown, #ScottsdaleEdition. Correct me if I am wrong, but does anyone remember the high school smoking lounge and the dorks huddled around sucking those dumb cancer sticks!?
No one except Andy Garcia's casino pit bosses wants to see Gucci fanny packs protruding from skinny cigarette smoking, Asian smokers. No one!
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