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| - No. No. No, no, no, no.
I've been meaning to try this place for quite a while. The menu looked fun and any place with the word "bakery" in it already has brownie points (heh). We roll in on a Saturday around lunchtime and the first impression is totally meh. Nothing special about the space, and the set up is confusing with virtually nonexistent signage. Do you sit yourself? Are there servers? I see a counter, but no menu posted. Where do you order? No clue. We get in a line that was moving at glacial speed, which I guess is good as it gave us time to peruse the paper menus and ogle the baked goods. They brought out a fresh tray of salted caramel brownies while we were standing there, so foolish me thought we'd hit the jackpot, the holy trinity of carbs, fat, and sugar, fresh off the press.
I ask what the soup of the day is, and -- whoops! -- they're out of soup. Well, okay, grilled cheese with avocado and fries. My SO orders quiche, but -- whoops! -- they're out of that. He defaults to the meat loaf sandwich, and we ask about pop -- there's no fountain, and a cooler up front is practically empty. Well, that's all they got there in that little cooler: chocolate milk, coconut water, cucumber soda, root beer, and a couple of fruit sodas. All fully loaded -- no zero/low cal options, not even water. (Lest I sound like the world's fattest hypocrite, I will stuff my face but I don't drink my calories, unless they are alcohol. Period.) The employee is totally disinterested and unapologetic. We add one of those caramel brownies and before you know it, lunch is $35. For lunch!? Ohhhhh-kay. While we're ordering, an employee comes out from the kitchen through one of those swinging doors, and when the kitchen side is visible I catch a printed sign saying something like all employees using disposable cups for personal beverages will be charged $1 a cup. Fucking tacky. I hope I hallucinated it. Even if you're that much of an asshole to treat employees that way, I'd hope you'd have the sense to put the sign somewhere where customers might not see it.
We sit. And wait. And wait. And wait. It took well over half an hour for the food to come out. My sandwich and fries were stone cold. The slices of avocado were practically paper thin. The bread was dry and hard. The "meatloaf" sandwich got the same treatment, with the portion of meatloaf so thin my SO suggested that it might just be meat paste instead. His sandwich was full on burnt on one side. His fries were like one giant mass of fries all stuck together in a lump. His meal was pretty much inedible. I hoped the fresh brownie would maybe at least somewhat redeem the situation, but its edges were hard and even its middle was dry. The flavor was bland and I've made countless batches of brownies from Ghiardhelli mix that were 1000x better than these.
The experience would be completely maddening but let's face it, it crossed that line and is now just frankly absurd. I have NO IDEA how this place is in business. I don't know how it has any reviews above two stars. It's beyond "oh, they were having an off day". It's thievery. $35 for an inedible meal. No one acknowledged the fact it took half an hour to get the food, and apparently no one acknowledged the fact the food was cold and burnt -- they just sent it out anyway. Patently offensive. There are way too many other reliable and delicious lunch options in the area for that price, and even much less -- save your time and money.
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