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  • If you have ever wondered where I get my sick sense of humor, please peruse the dialog between the Sparkmeister and myself during the first three innings of the Indians/Oakland A's game this evening: Sparky: Oh my god, Katie! Take a look, twelve o' clock! MAJOR buttcrack dead ahead! Me: (Stifling laughter) Dad! Shhhh! They're sitting right in front of us! Sparky: Holy shit - he has ZITS in his visible buttcrack! That is just disgusting! Me: OH MY GOD, DAD! Shut up! Sparky: How much would you pay me if I could throw a peanut into his buttcrack, Katie? $10? Me: (Unable to hold back the laughter) Fuck no, Dad - I'm broke. But, you can give me $10 if you want so that I can give it back to you if you make it. ... ... ... Sparky: Katie! Oh my god! Look Buttcrack's girlfriend is picking her nose! Me: DAD! Shut up, she can hear you!!! Sparky: Katie, I need to teach you a very important life lesson. Me: Okay Dad, what? I'm trying to watch the game. Sparky: Katie, when you go out in public you will meet all sorts of people... Me: Yeah? Sparky: And, it's really important to remember... Me: Yeah? Yeah? Sparky: That you are superior to ALL of them. Me: ... Sparky: Have that engraved on my tombstone, would ya? OH HOLY SHIT! BUTTCRACK IS PICKING HIS BUTTCRACK ZIT! Katie! Your phone has a camera - GET A PICTURE OF THAT! There has to be some website somewhere - www.buttcrack.com - that you can post that on... come on! You claim to be an Internet nerd! Take the picture! Oh and the A's won 13-7. And, there was a rain delay. Yeah and Jacobs Field is very nice.
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