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| - "It's not THAT far away, " I told my harried Kay and we drove DEEP into the South Hills for the promise of good, gourmet burgers and macaroni and cheese french fries.
"DARREN! WE'RE A FEW MILES FROM CANONSBURG!" she screamed as we passed such stalwarts of this suburb's dining scene as Dorido's, Gil's Cafe, and the South Hills Clubhouse.
Dr. Auslander, our chiropractor, is to blame. The man (his folks own Weiner World!) has become a fan of my reviews after he found my write-up on his practice recently and mentioned to me that a new burger joint had opened in our sector of the metropolitan area. With burgers always on my brain, I convinced Kay to drive and drive and drive...
BnDz sits in a typical suburban shopping complex near a trolley stop. Its exterior recalls Chipotle while its interiors and overall business model falls somewhere between Burgatory, D's Six Pax and Dogs, and Five Guys.
Table service only occurs after patrons place their orders up at the register. Standard builds like the Chicago Dog or the BBQ Bacon 'n Buffalo Burger are there for the indecisive, but for the mad scientists there are the "Create Your Own Masterpiece" menu sheets on which patrons can check off the boxes and turn them in to an employee. Once that's done, one can pour a soft drink from the self-serve soda fountain, find an open table, and wait to be served.
The cooking action happens in front of the counter in full view, which is where I wish I could have sat. A metal grill steams and flames while fresh, red, red, kroovy ground meat slaps the hot steel. Oil bubbles and growls once freshly cut fries are dropped into it. Drama unfolds once large takeout requests are phoned in.
I decided to make my own monster using paper and pen: 8 ounces of Bison (!) cooked medium-rare (there is no other degree to cook a burger) dusted with garlic and sweet onion powder (yes, they do rubs), American cheese, chipotle aioli, leaf lettuce, tomato, red onion, bacon, and avocado on a white bun.
This brings me to one minor complaint.
My avocado was forgotten.
The cashier/hostess will punch in your order as she looks at your specification sheet, which leaves a bit of room for human error. Might I suggest an automated scanner of some kind of like the machines that electronically grade standardized tests? That or the sheets could be have a carbon copy on the bottom so a hungry bugger like me can verify his order.
Another thing to kvetch about: The (vinaigrette) cole slaw was a dud. I sampled Kay's and all I tasted was black pepper and dry cabbage.
All of that was dismissed, however, once our burgers, dogs, and fries came to us in red plastic baskets via the jolly, beaming owner who seemed to know that we had ordered well.
That bison patty was literally bleeding, and when I sank my canines into the burger, all I saw was crimson, sweet crimson -- a literally sweet crimson. I thought to myself, "God, how could such a massive, fierce beast taste so delicate and candy-like?" the squishy roll and saccharine fixings making it akin to cake, the blanket of exquisitely melted canary-colored cheese nearly dripping like a yellow ganache.
A frank was also customized with honey mustard, onions, and a pickle spear after requesting it be deep-fried, filled with cheddar (a semi-dangerous dog) and placed within a poppyseed bun, my culinary cunning proving brilliant upon first bite.
The Mound 'O Friez were shared by Kay and I, and Jesus, would Guy Fieri go berserk over this creation.
Imagine if you will oh jaded eater some immaculately twice-cooked and properly seasoned "O"-worthy french fries topped with bacon bits, cheddar, AND good, simple, venerable, scratch-made Mac 'n Cheese.
Imagine further. Imagine a real, al dente macaroni topped with a sharply flavorful bechamel sauce. If this was Cheez Whiz, I'll be stunned 'cause they did somethin' to it! The frites had that crisp-vs-fluffy quality we all want in our gold tater shards, the bacon adding fatty/briny goodness and chewy texture while the liquid cheddar rained orange, creamy luxury over the entire debauched party.
BnDz also offers desserts, but Kay wanted to have some ice cream, and the nearest place was Bruster's, putting us onto Library Road for the journey home.
Epilogue: As Kay drove up Washington Road with some out-of-towner friends of ours to the Mount Lebanon Primanti Brothers this evening, she noticed a familiar sight.
"Darren! Look!" she called out.
There is now a BnDz only minutes from us in Mount Lebanon.
It did mention franchise opportunities on their website.
The lady was not pleased with me for causing Friday night's unnecessary mileage. I still say it was worth the excursion, though. Ha.
P.S. My mother makes an amazing cole slaw when she feels like doing so. Doug Baros should get in touch with her. He and his crew won't be able to make enough of it.
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