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| - (aka. SKETCHY TEMPE with BONNIE G, Part Three of Three)
SET-UP: Bonnie G and Mr K walk up to the Palo Verde Lounge, a tiny run-down box nestled in the armpit of Broadway, gleaming in the diviest of glories. The outside light may as well have been flickering (but it wasn't).
BONNIE G: "So, Mr K, what do you think? Isn't it all you ever dreamed about? You know it is."
ACTION: Mr K stands there for a second and takes in the aura. It is what he always dreamed about.
MR: "Hell yeah. Let's do it."
ACTION: Bonnie G smiles. They walk in.
SCENE: Small place. Like a shoebox. A very divey shoebox which may have seen better days. Or perhaps each of its days has always been this way. Pool table to the left. Bar to the right. Graffiti this way and that. Some palpable decrepitation. Behind the bar, a microwave. Stale scent of lingering smoke of many years still permeates. Faint scent of other odors, too. Some hipsters milling about, doing whatever it is hipsters do. Others of a more miscreant yet harmless variety. Bartender with long hair and glasses hanging out behind the counter. Mr K stands there at the door.
MR K: "Niiiice."
ACTION: Bonnie G and Mr K walk to the bar and sit down.
MR K: "Corn nuts. Yo, Bonnie, they've got Corn Nuts!"
BONNIE G: "Get it!"
MR K: "No wait. They've got Beef Jerky."
BONNIE G: "Get it!"
MR K: "No wait. Slim Jims!"
BONNIE G: "Get it!"
MR K: "But yo, hold on, Ramen noodles. That's dope."
BONNIE G: "Get it!"
MR K: "I'm hungry now."
BONNIE G: "Get it!"
BARTENDER WITH LONG HAIR AND GLASSES: "So, what can I get you guys?"
MR K: "Two g & ts, thanks."
OVERHEAD SOUNDSYSTEM: "Wheel in the sky keeps on tuuuuuuurniiiiin...I don't know where I'll be tomorrooow...."
MR K: "GAH. I hate this song. I really hate this song. No, I REALLY fucking hate this song."
BONNIE G: "Um, I can tell. Your body's contorting."
ACTION: Mr K decides to ignore Journey and continue conversing.
For the next long time, Mr K & BONNIE G: ".....yada yada yada, Lactose Intolerant War Stories, yada yada yada x10....."
ACTION: Bonnie G and Mr K step away from the bar for a couple minutes as Mr K checks the rest of the place out. Upon their return to the bar:
MR K: "Uh, where'd our drinks go? They took away our drinks. Just like that. Gone. Doh."
BARTENDER WITH LONG HAIR AND GLASSES: "Um, uh, sorry, dude. I thought you guys left. I can make you some new drinks, though."
ACTION: Bonnie G and Mr K don't really debate about more drinks. It's late. Mr K lives far away. And he's, well, old. They make motion to leave, except:
MR K: "What the hell is this?"
BONNIE G: "It's a grip machine. It tests your gripping power. I kick all the guy's asses. Well, the weak guys who do nothing but read, anyway."
MR K: "Ok, let's try it out."
BONNIE G: "Go ahead."
ACTION: MR K squeezes the grip gun as hard as he can. The machine indicates MR K has a grip of a 20 year old. He tries to figure out if that means he's strong or weak. He's convinced himself that it means he's strong, although he probably knows it means otherwise. Bonnie G gets up next. Bonnie G squeezes. But there's apparently an issue. Grip Machine reads that Bonnie G has the grip strength of something like a 10 year old. Bonnie G then uses both hands. No dice. The machine's not budging.
BONNIE G: "Hey, wait! It's stuck! It's not working!"
MR K: "Dude, Bonnie. I just did it and it worked. You're weak."
BONNIE G: "No, wait! You try! It's stuck!"
ACTION: MR K tries to squeeze the grip machine, but it doesn't squeeze any further.
MR K: "OK, it's stuck. Or maybe that's really the most you could do."
BONNIE G: "I'm way stronger than this. Whatever. Let's go."
ACTION: Bonnie G and Mr K walk outside to the parking lot. Mr K takes in his experience.
BONNIE G: "Well, Mr K? What ya think of Sketchy Tempe?"
MR K: "Man, what a night. This kicked ass"
BONNIE G: "There's some more sinister and scary places I could have taken you to, but you really didn't need to go there."
MR K: "That's cool. I mean, this rocked. Check it...from Fresh & Easy, to Plaid, to Gold Bar, to experiencing Monkey Pants, then exploring Time Out Lounge, and then forgetting to buy Corn Nuts & cringing to bad Journey songs at Palo Verde Lounge. All within the span of 6 hours. This was a Sunday for the ages. And this here dark underbelly of Tempe? Not bad. Not bad at all. Although some parts were better than others. But now we gotta hit Sketchy Phoenix. Dive bars abound. Abound, I tell you."
BONNIE G: "You're on."
MR K: "Awesome."
BONNIE G: "Bye Mr K!"
MR K: "Later Bonnie G. Thanks again."
ACTION: MR K walks to his car. He finds himself whistling to "Wheel In The Sky Keeps On Turnin'."
MR K: "GAH!"
(end of Part Three)
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