| rev:text
| - Are scruffy, unshaven brown guys wearing beatup Oakland A's tshirts allowed into a hoity shopping mall's premium ice cream establishment?
I say yes.
Once upon a time, I was in college, and there was this Haagen Dazs located in downtown La Jolla, and 18 year-old me thought, "Dude, that's like rich people's ice cream. It's probably $10 per scoop. I'm just wearing birkenstocks, shorts, and a beatup Oakland A's tshirt. Let's go to Thrifty's instead."
Fast forward to much later in time, and I find myself still wearing birkenstocks, shorts, and a beatup Oakland A's tshirt (although not the same one, just so you know). I'm not wandering around La Jolla but the Biltmore mall in Phoenix because I was looking for a book at Borders. I'm not a college student anymore but a professional guy working for The Man, although you couldn't tell from what I was wearing. I may as well still be a student.
It's a mighty balmy evening, and the Haagen Dazs is just there, lying in wait, like a preying mantis
I take the bait and walk in.
Two kids half my age work behind the counter and I look for ice cream flavors that I'm sure I'd like. Their chocolate mint is not fluorescent Incredible Hulk green so I miss it on the first few scan-by's. I also take note of the tub of Mayan Chocolate, thinking that if it's anything like Mitchell's Mexican Chocolate or Maggie Mudd's Habanero Chocolate back in San Francisco, then these guys have found a repeat customer.
I ask one of the kids for a scoop of the choc mint and the Mayan.
"So, do you like, like the A's?"
(sarcastic thought bubble - "Nope. I hate the A's. I just like wearing green and found this shirt in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart.")
"Yeah, I like the A's."
"Oh. 'Cause I like the Giants."
* awkward silence *
Eventually I get my ice cream and I sit outside, taking in the amazing view of the mall's parking lot and the Camelback Esplanade beyond. I try a spoonful of each flavor, and to my disappointment, neither is as good as I was expecting, although both were rich as far as creaminess went. Given that I just paid a super burrito's price for two scoops of ice cream, this was kind of a bum deal. They're not bad and don't taste like Windex like that one time I went to Sugar Bowl in Scottsdale, but they're somewhat lacking in flavor - especially the Mayan Chocolate which I was expecting to blow me away.
I sit and eat the ice cream anyway, ignoring the two rich 14 year olds making out yards away (with the girl multi-tasking by talking on her cell phone at the same time). A little 5 year old girl at the next table over asks her mom why that brother and sister were kissing each other like that.
"Sweetie, if those two are brother and sister, then they have some serious problems. Let's hope they're not related."
And there you have it. Sex ed in front of Haagen Dazs. This place does have value after all.
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