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| - This review only really applies to the actual purchase of a spa package for a birthday gift. I have no clue, yet, about the quality of the service. The Spa at Hilton Suites used to go under Holtz. They have recently severed that association. So recent, as you can see in the photos, they are (as of June 2011) still showing some Holtz signage.
There are some things men are very, very, very uncomfortable about buying for women:
1) things that go on, in, or about a lady's hoo hoo or dirty pillows (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNdIi4KpXhQ)
2) flowers
3) jewelry
4) purses
5) shoes
6) cosmetics and health beauty products/services
7) And nearly anything else that can't be found in a Canadian Tire or Best Buy
A day spa package falls under 6. There's a whole range of new terminology ("exfoliation"), unscientific sounding services ("aroma therapy massage"), the giggle worthy ("facial"), and things that are as hard to pronounce as they are to understand why a woman would look forward to sitting through such a procedure ("pedicure").
I did a week of research. Holtz Spa kept coming up as the #1 choice for a Markham day spa by the well coiffed and aroma energy ji-gong flexologically relaxed Ladies of Yelp. Thank you Jennifer K. The Holtz web site kept coming up with a blank page for the Markham branch. An email to them resulted in a rather brusque reply they were no longer associated with the Markham branch and no information about how to find the new spa (well, fuckin' remove the link on your site). In desperation I picked up the phone (it's very difficult for a software nerd to pick up an actual phone and talk to an actual human, who might be an actual woman). A call to the hotel informed me they were now "The Spa at the Hilton Suites". Okay. Whatever. "A man, such as he is, got me a day at a Hilton spa for my birthday" still sounds a pretty brag worthy thing a woman can say to her other women friends. I think. I dunno.
Okay so I did more research on what women like about spas and decided on the Supreme Day at the Spa. For a shy over $400 with tax and a "spa luncheon" it seemed to be a pretty good deal based on my research.
I strode confidently into the spa today to purchase the package. Now I sort of forgot the package's actual name because most of the package names seem to be written by people who, off season, write new condo project tag lines ("Charlie Condos: The condos that embrace you." "Casa on the Bay: Your life. Your style." "Symphony Heights: Sound Living") You know people who seem good at stringing together emotive words that say nearly nothing.
"I'm here to buy a spa package for a birthday present."
"Which package."
"Do you have a list?"
"It's on the web site."
"You don't have a, you know, brochure?"
"The brochure only lists individual services. The web site has the packages."
*tick tock*
"This book here has some packages."
She shows me the book. None seem to match what I remember from the web site. The prices are all different. None mention a lunch. I think I'd sit through a pedicure, whatever that involves, for a lunch. I want that lunch. I assume others want, with certain error bars, what I want.
"Do any of these have lunch?"
"Most do."
"Which ones don't?"
*blank stare*
None of them seem to offer a facial either. I think I would ask but I can't bring myself to say "facial" to a woman I'm not in a committed relationship with.
The old terrors start to come back. Will this woman transform into Cthulhu before my eyes? These are real fears for a man.
I sieze on a brilliant idea.
"Do you have access to the web site? Can you print the package list?"
She pops back into another room. She comes back with the printed list. Wow. Why am I the only one to think of that? "Say, lets PRINT our package list." "Where did you get that brilliant idea?" "Some fuckin' nerd."
Okay, back in my comfort zone. I see "Spa luncheon". I see "Signature Facial". I see "Signature Manicure and Pedicure". I don't know what "signature" refers to and if you can order a non signature version and what the non signature version lacks. But then, like I say, this crap is written by those condo tag line geniuses. Who am I to argue?
I debate asking if I could inspect the facilities but decide against it. She might say no. Yog-Sothoth might be lurking back there. She writes in the bare minimum on the gift certificate and has me fill in the other details in my crap computer nerd scrawl. I was kind of hoping they'd pack it up in a cute, tight little package like the Gucci store. But it just goes in a small bag with some blue crepe paper. I guess it looks nice. But, I dunno, when I'm dropping $400 at the Gucci store I get fluffed nicely and a great little gift wrapping job (http://www.yelp.ca/biz_photos/oYAQ03CHJ4jCWsS9SDP8Fg?select=CkMNeNOMaWAkq3tdeVEygQ). Meh. No one even offered me an espresso.
I dunno. I hope the spa day works out better than the kind of McDonald's level, uninformed service I got. Stay tuned.
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