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  • Let me throw it back to 1999, when Chastity thoughtfully pondered in 10 Things I Hate About You... "I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be... whelmed?" Well yes, Chastity, you can. And we don't even have to go to Europe. Pampa was whelming. Everything seemed hit or miss. The parmesan crusted pork loin was dry. Which was a shame as the flavour was good, though erring on the side of too salty. The bacon-wrapped chicken was dry and flavourless. In fact nothing bacon-wrapped was particularly good (including the filet mignon) and that's a real insult to bacon. And filet mignon. The picanha would come out perfectly medium-rare at one point and then completely overcooked and grey the next time. The sausage was texturally gummy and flavourless. I want my sausages bursting in flavour and feeling good in my mouth!* The lamb was overcooked, dry and... flavourless. Do we detect a pattern here? I know Mary would be disappointed at the outcome of her little lamb. The gauchos visited the tables at well-timed intervals but you saw more the chicken and sausage way more frequently in the rotation than the other (more expensive) meats. I burn, I pine, I perish for sirloin but all I get is bad sausage. *That's what she said. Over and over again. Gauchos were friendly enough and served the meats with expertise but sorry, señor, there's only so much undercooked bacon wrapped around overcooked chicken that I can stomach. The rest of the service was adequate. Water replenished when asked. Plates cleared when they amassed on the table. Nothing more, nothing less. Drinks and desserts (anything to up-sell) are pushed very aggressively. The salad bar has the typical buffet fare. Nothing particularly delicious, nothing particularly horrible. The offerings were not replenished so large platters would just sit empty. The accompanying cheese bread was delicious but if the highlight of a meal at a steakhouse is the carbs... oh boy. I think they might be focusing on the wrong food group. If Brazilian meat sweats is your thing then stick with Gaucho or Bolero. (2.5 stars but my outfit this evening was both pensive and thoughtful so I'm feeling benevolent.)
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