A crack addict's dream! Let's review the fine amenities:
* Views of open trenches outside with piping, debris, and dirt piles for customers to admire and enjoy.
* A strong odor reminiscent of a ruptured septic system permeates the inside air in each room.
* For an extra touch of class, old mattresses are left outside against an exterior stairwell, allowing potential customers a glimpse at the quality brand of mattresses used at this fine establishment.
* After a luxurious sleep, a hearty breakfast of stale English muffins, dried out mini-blueberry bites, an extensive array of cold cereals; consisting of corn flakes and fruit loops await each guest. Enjoy this fine breakfast while being monitored by hotel staff.
* The hotel has a selection of non-functioning vending machines. Rest assured if the machines don't take your bills, they will eat your coins.
* Want to feel like you're being processed at the town jail? Visit the hotel office past 6pm and you'll have the wonderful experience of talking through a small teller station made of bulletproof glass.
* All of the hotel staff have the highest level of customer service training that the local penitentiary could provide. Within minutes they will prove worthless, and customers will regret every interaction!
* Did I mention there is a pool?